So here I am it’s almost 10.30 I’m done with breakfast and I’m waiting to go running at 11 am in the morning when there’s not too much rush at the gym and I can be myself and go at my speed and there’s no judging there are no bulky muscles around and I’m thinking to myself, all right get off your bum wear your clothes, tie your shoes and get out. I am so motivated today. Let me just fix my hair, wash my face, pick out my clothes, get my socks, by then I look at the clock and it’s 10:45 and I’m thinking, in 15 minutes I’ll have to leave and go hit the gym and then suddenly I remember Uh-oh I forgot to call a friend or I forgot to check on the recipe for lunch or I forgot to write something in my diary or I just remember random stuff to do like making a to-do list, I need to iron my t-shirts or clean the bathroom or do other chores and then it’s 11 am. The dreaded 11 a.m. I’m not out of the door I’m not wearing those gym pants or the gym shoes and I’m thinking oh well, the time’s gone so let me decide now, do the gym at 4 and then I start watching TV, I cook lunch and then I catch up on my FRIENDS re-runs and by the time it’s over, I look at the clock and its 5:00. Oh no, I missed the time again. Alright maybe 6:30? But then all the office crowd just comes back from work. Are you sure you want to hit the gym now when there could be a little bit of judging a little bit of flaunting, a wee bit of flexing muscles. Argh, I don’t want to go now, it’s too late . I carry on with other work and then it’s time for dinner again and I’m thinking laying on my bed it’s almost 12:30 am. I must go to the gym tomorrow I must run on the treadmill I must walk outside I need some sunshine for myself, I must go out. I end up sitting on my couch watching TV at 10:30 thinking I need to go hit the gym. Groundhog day anyone!?
30 Aug 2014 Leave a comment
29 Jul 2014 Leave a comment
More than a year ago, I remember my husband handing me over few dollars each month to save towards the trip we had planned to Brazil for watching the World Cup. I never encouraged him since I thought he is just being crazy and this is just a phase and it will pass. Well his persistence paid off. My husband is a crazy soccer(football as we call it) fanatic. I was not too enthusiastic about the World Cup but somehow while planning the trip I was reminded of how being in Southampton we had missed the opportunity of going to Old Trafford to watch Manchester United play or take a guided tour just because I wanted to go to London instead and had disappointed my then best friend. I decided to play along. Time passed quickly and I also started to get excited and curious to be in an exotic country of what I had heard Brazil was. Honestly, I would have loved to travel around the Amazon and see the raw, historic Brazil instead of all the regular ‘tourist’ places or ‘must see’ cities. However, circumstances, budget and paid leaves for my husband constricted our travel only to the famous cities of Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro and Fortaleza. We had managed to buy tickets for one game that was Germany vs. Ghana since my husband had no experience of buying tickets for the matches. Well now he knows, so next time I am sure he will manage to get tickets to watch his favorite teams play. He is a huge fan of Messi and loves the team(Argentina) and also is fond of Van Persie(Holland) and he also plays for my husband’s most favorite team Manchester United (English professional football club).
I was researching about almost everything because it wasn’t just another city in the U.S, or just another state in India, it was a whole other country. We obviously wanted to know what the weather was like, what people wear, what is the local food, etc etc. The internet was full of beautiful pictures of the beaches, the attractions, esp. the Christ Redeemer statue and football was everywhere but then there were so many caution signs and warnings. Do not carry branded shoes, watches or jewelry, do not mention if you come from the U.S. Do not carry too much cash. Do not carry expensive cameras. Do not wear branded clothes, do not travel by local buses, you might be robbed, do not walk at nights alone. Crime rate is high in so and so parts. Oh gosh! We were excited and now we were also nervous.
We first landed in Sao Paulo, and we didn’t expect what was about to happen. As soon as we stepped out, no one absolutely no one spoke in English, not even the cops. They were trying to understand but oh how we struggled to explain where we want to go, what mode of transport we want to take, where we need to stop. Thank God I had downloaded an app just for basic question and answers in Portuguese. I did not have internet connection but I had an offline mode where I had saved some stuff. It helped. Something is definitely better than nothing. Everywhere we traveled we faced the language barrier. Even the hotel staff in Fortaleza could not speak English. Well, we managed somehow by enacting, by pointing, by gestures. It was hilarious. We experimented by ordering food and knew Frango was Chicken, Carne was meat, Peixe was fish, agua was water. The food was amazing. A must try is the Caipirinha cocktail and Mandioca frita(yucca fries). We were sorted! During the entire journey we did not face any problems. Thankfully there was a lot of police patrolling.
Our host in Rio(BnB) luckily spoke English and was so kind and generous. I observed that people did not have a problem with other people. They just had a problem with their Government which each and every country does. We blended right in. Until we opened our mouths to speak but by then some or the other local was so kind to always help. We had the advantage, we were brown in Brazil.
The main attraction was definitely watching a World Cup match and I have always supported Germany through the years, how lucky was I to watch the players play right in front of my eyes….Klose, Götze, Schweinsteiger! Indeed a dream come true and the Christ Redeemer was magnificent. So were the beaches, I liked Ipanema more than the crowded Copacabana and I thoroughly enjoyed the Fan Fest, the Estadio Municipal Football museum(pic above) in Sao Paulo was filled with history and legends of football. I saw passionate fans from all over the world in such a short span of time, beautiful people everywhere. I would love to mention how we planned the trip and all its intricacies but then this will be one heck of a long post to read. I would call it one smooth vacation but there has to be a twist in the tale somewhere right. The only hiccup was the flight while coming back from Brazil in Belem, the flight goes over the Atlantic Ocean and during the 6 hour flight, we had almost 4 hours of turbulence. That was like the biggest adventurous ride in my life! I have never prayed so hard in my life! I will definitely count it as an experience, never over the ocean ever! Ha ha! Other than that they were beautiful and memorable 10 days we spent in Brazil.
24 Jun 2014 Leave a comment
They might give it a thought
a bore, a pity, a snob, a coy, a dunce, a blob
none of these, I am not. Of rainbows and fairies and candies, of unicorns and glitter, I love everything bright, happy, sunny, cute, mad and funny
doubt and anger give me a jitter. I can be warmest to the coziest of heart
shrewdest to the cold,
I can be crazy, generous, kind, hyper, wild and sublime
will my adventures someday be told. I can sit at a place for hours
not move a fly from my face
I can also pretend, play, fly, sing, dance and cry
random butterflies and skies to chase. My hands are full sometimes, sometimes barren
so much to do and so little time
Pray, think, receive, love, smile, believe
parallel to this earthly world is a separate, ubiquitous world of mine.
03 Jun 2014 Leave a comment
in Random Rants
Had to share this
Originally posted on Rant Against the Random:
When he noticed the naked little girl at the beach didn’t look quite like he did and asked why, they answered his questions in simple phrases painted in black and white, pink and blue, and tradition. And he learned that boys and girls were different.
When one of the neighbor kids painted his nails, they got angry. That wasn’t something boys did. And he learned that there were different rules for boys and girls, and that breaking those made people upset.
When he was handed down a pink bike from his cousin, they replaced it with a blue one, because they didn’t want him to be mocked for having a “girly” bike. And he learned that being girly was something to be mocked.
When he cried, they told him to be a man. And he learned that crying, and being not a man, was something less.
When he was being picked…
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02 May 2014 Leave a comment
There was an incident recently that made me doubt myself, to an extent that I cried and cried and got lost into a conversation that kept building up and there was no one around, the conversation was with myself! I have talked about loneliness and my positive side is to overcome it, but when loneliness makes you talk to yourself, you need to stop and wake yourself up. That is not right, its just not right. Letting people affect you, make you doubt yourself, letting them control your emotions is just not right. It is me who will decide if I did something wrong, if its not as bad as killing anyone, telling lies to hurt intentionally, stealing or cheating, it can be fixed. My bad habit is a small thing gets blown up in my mind, becomes a big issue and has its consequences. Do I stop living for that!? No, of course not, yes I cry, but I know that the pain can be healed, the hurt can be cured, there is always a second chance, if forgiving or forgetting is the greater thing to do, I need to do it. I am not perfect and I should not even aim to be, I will make mistakes. I need to learn to trust myself and not doubt, I need to be thankful for what I have, look forward to what I can do to make things better, to help and uplift others while I try to walk on the path of righteousness. Is there a judgement of right and wrong? No, not from my end, I am no one to judge others. I can judge myself because I know myself better than the ones who try to judge me. So I need to forgive myself if I think I did something wrong and move on. If I don’t treat myself as I want others to treat me, I am doing things wrong, I need to stop, take a step back and then move forward. When I start treating myself right, I can treat others well, and expect them to treat me the same way. Unless they make peace with themselves, they won’t be able to release good into this world, does that mean, I have to stop doing good? No, all the major holy books will also say similar things. I just have to be patient and empathetic to myself and others. I need to learn to forgive myself and stop hating myself. I don’t have to try to be perfect, I just have to know and realize there are others just like me struggling and fighting their own battles.
03 Apr 2014 Leave a comment
Ever felt like the loneliest person in a crowd? My nature is so that I can be the one to stand out in a crowd but I can also get easily drowned in a swarm of people. You can call it a talent, ability or a mood swing. I have heard tales of tides,water, moon affecting our moods, but for me I think I am definitely extreme. I have an exceptionally optimistic day on a full moon(that’s what my name means) day and my energy completely drains me out on a new moon day. Scientific or otherwise, the reason I am saying this is, sometimes when you are at a quieter place in life it just makes sense, to think, get time to reflect on what we have achieved or what new quest we are ready to take on, to prepare ourselves for an adventure that is headed our way. The other way of looking at it is totally pessimistic, that I am not wanted, I am not doing anything worthwhile, or I am just a big blob on this earth. Not to say I have never said such things, I admit I have time and again. Who am I kidding, I have even shoved myself into a dark corner in the closet. But the positive thing is I can also motivate myself, to get up, do something about something that is not right, does not fit and it gets me all fidgety. I want to just say that no matter, how hard life seems, struggles never seem to end, but that is how we are all going to get through, no matter how much you try to shake it off, try to wiggle yourself out of the situation, it is going to come back, to test you. Have patience, stay calm, paint, listen to your favorite music, get up and dance a little, strut your stuff, you will eventually get there one day or the other, just try and never give up. Do you ever give up on Candy Crush or Call of Duty? No! That’s right, there is always a ‘play’ or ‘retry’ button in life too!
Feeling lonely is natural and just a phase, the more important thing is not to lose it to a level where insecurity starts assaulting, that’s when we need to give ourselves a wake-up call, start spinning a new dream and have faith that only you can achieve it. It’s only a matter of time and when you try hard enough to try and grab hold of every opportunity you get to realize the dream, go for it. This feeling reminds me of a lost or found department in school, if you have lost something somewhere, if you look hard enough you will find it. Sometimes, we find something we were not even looking for. That state of happiness always brings positive energy and that battery can charge me up and last for days on end. Good luck in finding what you might have lost.
21 Mar 2014 Leave a comment
I don’t want to go in details about my struggle with finding the right God, knowing who is, what he does or what I give to him or get from him, but let me tell you there is one thing I will never struggle for, praying.
I am not going to give advice, sermon, preach about God here, but from my daily struggle, what helps me get through, what brings me closer to the day I wake up and the night I sleep in, its prayer. Just a little Thank you for the day and thank you for the night can go a long way. People would think I am crazy to talk alone, but what people don’t know is I might be praying. Just because it did look a little odd, I decided to talk in private. Prayer to me is talking to that someone who is listening intently even when you have the least hope that no one is listening. In general I don’t fail to say Thank you to someone who serves me at a restaurant, or never question authority. Then isn’t there someone so higher than me who thinks I am worthy enough to wake up for yet another morning on this earth who I should be thanking everyday? I remember I used to pray only when exams were close, or I’d have lost yet another key to the house and would be s**t scared of my father for an explanation or excuse, I would definitely pray then or at a magic show or circus where they are choosing volunteers that I should or shouldn’t be picked, or every other time I saw my crush and prayed he noticed me. So selfish of me! May be you don’t feel you have a purpose in life, but the higher power definitely has some job for you on this earth,otherwise why would you be here reading this, you’d probably be playing golf in the greenest of fields(heaven), or frying bacon in the air(hell,must be really hot down there). That power could be anything to you fairies, angels, Jesus, Mother Nature, Buddha, Allah, Krishna, to each his own. No wonder as kids, when we used to come home all dirty, my parents would ask me to wash my hands and feet and go stand before God and pray. That was just a habit they wanted us to develop but now I do realize how important prayer is. It gives me hope and strength to face this unpredictable world. Fighting the war for which God is the best could be right in your opinion, but isn’t thanking him/her more important at the moment you close or open your eyes when you don’t even know if they will open to see another day to fight over these issues? Whoa! Sorry for being so direct, but yeah a little practice will take me closer to my quest of knowing who is sitting high up there, watching, laughing with me when I embarrass myself and feel sad for me when my heart is broken. If while growing up I had fear and respect for my father, what excuse will I give to him who got me going on this earth for not praying!? Whoopsie daisies!
12 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
Do you know the feeling, when suddenly you feel like you are at the brink of rebirth, that God’s amazing grace leads you to a breakthrough, when you are going to jump off the cliff and you actually begin to fly….this is one of those days when I was feeling all dejected and dismal when life threw a second chance at me to look back on a relationship long ignored when at a point I was crying out tears of rejection and feeling worthless in a different relationship and then there it was that feeling….like a fog lifting, clear skies and even a rainbow just to make me happy and I start dreaming of wonderful days ahead, scoring a big 100 on 100, hitting the highest notes…all at one time…that feeling…of being usurped from deep down in the ocean where you are counting your last breath and you rise up and gasp and gulp down enough oxygen to fill your lungs with air and life in your heart… your chest if full of air, your mind is free and your heart is open…Ohana! Mending bonds with family members, what a relief and all you see is hope and all you have is faith. Just as the new year begins, I am reassured time and again that things will be fine if I just make that small effort. It is not going to hurt me, it is actually going to strengthen me. Baby step at a time, just like Will Smith said, a brick at a time! I will get there, whether it is a goal or some relationship or some wildly spun dream. Everytime I succeed I can’t wait to feel all of this all over again.
27 Jan 2014 Leave a comment
2014, a warm welcome to the start of the year I must say! My rehabilitation stage is ‘recovering well’. Do not jump the guns! I am recovering from the trauma and drama on Facebook. My new year resolutions are to be worry free, stay healthy, to learn new things in the kitchen and lots of arts and crafts, small patio garden. I might also share some achievements on the blog. I am sincerely hoping I can keep at least one of these resolutions and not break each and every one of them like all the past years, this also can be one of the resolutions. Less of Southpark, avoiding HSN and QVC as much as I can and more of reading, less of television is the most difficult to attain so concentrating my efforts on investing more time in libraries and books. Let me go back to life when it was much simpler without gadgets, technology although I am not going to stay away completely, I am human in the end! Can’t forget that fact…although how I wish I was a butterfly or an angel for real *daydreaming*. But umm, yeah, snapping back to reality, I will definitely try and take more creative classes and do more Yoga! Ooh ooh, how I would love to share a big post on Yoga! *Giggling* I will try and remember all birthdays and anniversaries and phone numbers without Facebook. Wish me luck!*clears throat*
Well, wishing everyone who is reading and those who have no clue about this blog a Happy New Year and hope to avoid tension, negativity, doubt, fear or wars instead see more of freedom, love, peace, rainbows and unicorns, smiles and laughter in the coming years!