Often I look back on my relationships and keep realizing that most of the times I am at fault for ruining it all, not because I am a bad person but because I make a lot of assumptions.Honestly, in just one meeting,I feel I know you and I can trust you or will just ignore you, based on my assumptions! Now, that may not always be a wise thing, but then I may blame it on my instinct or your body language or just language. All this happens for a reason and the reason being expectations. I have learned this lesson so many times and yet I am not thorough with it! I struggle to keep up, I am slow to react, but I have noticed whenever my expectations are not met, I assume again that the person is not interested in me, my interests, so there goes a relationship. Thereby, either I end up breaking promises or the other person does it anyway. This other person is also me in some cases. I decide something and break my own promises, let alone others keeping them if I cannot keep them on my own! Fragile and unsustainable relationships because of my assumptions. It is a vicious cycle. I wish I do break it soon. Just thought of sharing one of my struggles in life.
06 Nov 2014 Leave a comment
28 Oct 2014 Leave a comment
I wanted to write a blog post and I was in the middle of one when I noticed my phone was suggesting a few words and I thought let me see where this goes. It was so much fun just to click on words and some of the sentences made sense while others none at all! Go on read and have a laugh!
‘The new year to you and your business and leisure and the kids will have the right thing to remember that you have to do it for the first time in my mind is that you are looking for the first time in the world and the rest is just one more thing to be able to make sure that you have any further information about this topic. The dream of being able to do it for you to know about the future of this tag is called from Scotland and the kids are going well as other people who want the same thing as the most important part in a few years. I did not have the right place to be the best. I’m not a problem with their Government which I think the last few different form what you think you aren’t going to have the option of the times. He has a great deal of experience with this new version of the e-mail by a friend who was in my mind. This was the only way to the gym and the other side of things that you have any questions about this topic is a great deal with the new one. But my battery is dead and gone to bed at night and the most common type in your area of expertise in my life! I love it when it is not the same as above. Amazon.com uses a few weeks, but the fact is a very long time, no see. Well done and the new house with my friends have any other country music video by using your phone number.’
30 Sep 2014 Leave a comment
This word helps me a lot, not just while doing Yoga, it helps tremendously no doubt while I am at it, but in general too.
I am scared of thunder and lightning, we had a week of rain and midweek in the middle of the night, I can hear rumbling, it scares me! I think one of my worst fears is to get struck by lightning! God! Never ever let me die like that, a heartfelt request! But yeah, I get scared and with praying continuously, the one word that helps me is Breathe!
When I had my Written test for a driver’s license, by the way, yay, one more thing crossed off my list of my new year resolutions, did not think I’d pass. I tried reading the book, but I never got through the second page….it was so boring, I got my friend to send me mock questions, I practiced them a lot, not advising to follow this people, but yeah I just sat there and failed the first four questions and said to myself, okay Breathe, prayed to God again for help and voila….passed with 88%
Even for the driver’s test, I could not find the horn! Can you beat that!? I didn’t even know where to look for it, I pressed on all buttons I could see, panicked that I am going to fail this, but then I stopped, apologized to the officer, stopped and had to breathe to start all over again! But I passed amazingly.
No wonder they ask pregnant women to breathe!
Not just that, but I think the most of our actions or reactions can be changed by such a simple step to breathe! We forget it most of the times and harm ourselves, all you have to do is breathe. Remember when you are doing the hardest of exercises, you tend to hold your breath and the instructor tells you to breathe through it. I don’t know what it is but sticky situations make me lose my focus and I panic easily and then I think way too much, overstressing my poor little brain! ha ha! There are few other key words too, but Breathe definitely helps most of the times. What is your key word that help you regain focus or get you out of tricky, sticky situations?
30 Aug 2014 Leave a comment
So here I am it’s almost 10.30 I’m done with breakfast and I’m waiting to go running at 11 am in the morning when there’s not too much rush at the gym and I can be myself and go at my speed and there’s no judging there are no bulky muscles around and I’m thinking to myself, all right get off your bum wear your clothes, tie your shoes and get out. I am so motivated today. Let me just fix my hair, wash my face, pick out my clothes, get my socks, by then I look at the clock and it’s 10:45 and I’m thinking, in 15 minutes I’ll have to leave and go hit the gym and then suddenly I remember Uh-oh I forgot to call a friend or I forgot to check on the recipe for lunch or I forgot to write something in my diary or I just remember random stuff to do like making a to-do list, I need to iron my t-shirts or clean the bathroom or do other chores and then it’s 11 am. The dreaded 11 a.m. I’m not out of the door I’m not wearing those gym pants or the gym shoes and I’m thinking oh well, the time’s gone so let me decide now, do the gym at 4 and then I start watching TV, I cook lunch and then I catch up on my FRIENDS re-runs and by the time it’s over, I look at the clock and its 5:00. Oh no, I missed the time again. Alright maybe 6:30? But then all the office crowd just comes back from work. Are you sure you want to hit the gym now when there could be a little bit of judging a little bit of flaunting, a wee bit of flexing muscles. Argh, I don’t want to go now, it’s too late . I carry on with other work and then it’s time for dinner again and I’m thinking laying on my bed it’s almost 12:30 am. I must go to the gym tomorrow I must run on the treadmill I must walk outside I need some sunshine for myself, I must go out. I end up sitting on my couch watching TV at 10:30 thinking I need to go hit the gym. Groundhog day anyone!?
29 Jul 2014 Leave a comment
More than a year ago, I remember my husband handing me over few dollars each month to save towards the trip we had planned to Brazil for watching the World Cup. I never encouraged him since I thought he is just being crazy and this is just a phase and it will pass. Well his persistence paid off. My husband is a crazy soccer(football as we call it) fanatic. I was not too enthusiastic about the World Cup but somehow while planning the trip I was reminded of how being in Southampton we had missed the opportunity of going to Old Trafford to watch Manchester United play or take a guided tour just because I wanted to go to London instead and had disappointed my then best friend. I decided to play along. Time passed quickly and I also started to get excited and curious to be in an exotic country of what I had heard Brazil was. Honestly, I would have loved to travel around the Amazon and see the raw, historic Brazil instead of all the regular ‘tourist’ places or ‘must see’ cities. However, circumstances, budget and paid leaves for my husband constricted our travel only to the famous cities of Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro and Fortaleza. We had managed to buy tickets for one game that was Germany vs. Ghana since my husband had no experience of buying tickets for the matches. Well now he knows, so next time I am sure he will manage to get tickets to watch his favorite teams play. He is a huge fan of Messi and loves the team(Argentina) and also is fond of Van Persie(Holland) and he also plays for my husband’s most favorite team Manchester United (English professional football club).
I was researching about almost everything because it wasn’t just another city in the U.S, or just another state in India, it was a whole other country. We obviously wanted to know what the weather was like, what people wear, what is the local food, etc etc. The internet was full of beautiful pictures of the beaches, the attractions, esp. the Christ Redeemer statue and football was everywhere but then there were so many caution signs and warnings. Do not carry branded shoes, watches or jewelry, do not mention if you come from the U.S. Do not carry too much cash. Do not carry expensive cameras. Do not wear branded clothes, do not travel by local buses, you might be robbed, do not walk at nights alone. Crime rate is high in so and so parts. Oh gosh! We were excited and now we were also nervous.
We first landed in Sao Paulo, and we didn’t expect what was about to happen. As soon as we stepped out, no one absolutely no one spoke in English, not even the cops. They were trying to understand but oh how we struggled to explain where we want to go, what mode of transport we want to take, where we need to stop. Thank God I had downloaded an app just for basic question and answers in Portuguese. I did not have internet connection but I had an offline mode where I had saved some stuff. It helped. Something is definitely better than nothing. Everywhere we traveled we faced the language barrier. Even the hotel staff in Fortaleza could not speak English. Well, we managed somehow by enacting, by pointing, by gestures. It was hilarious. We experimented by ordering food and knew Frango was Chicken, Carne was meat, Peixe was fish, agua was water. The food was amazing. A must try is the Caipirinha cocktail and Mandioca frita(yucca fries). We were sorted! During the entire journey we did not face any problems. Thankfully there was a lot of police patrolling.
Our host in Rio(BnB) luckily spoke English and was so kind and generous. I observed that people did not have a problem with other people. They just had a problem with their Government which each and every country does. We blended right in. Until we opened our mouths to speak but by then some or the other local was so kind to always help. We had the advantage, we were brown in Brazil.
The main attraction was definitely watching a World Cup match and I have always supported Germany through the years, how lucky was I to watch the players play right in front of my eyes….Klose, Götze, Schweinsteiger! Indeed a dream come true and the Christ Redeemer was magnificent. So were the beaches, I liked Ipanema more than the crowded Copacabana and I thoroughly enjoyed the Fan Fest, the Estadio Municipal Football museum(pic above) in Sao Paulo was filled with history and legends of football. I saw passionate fans from all over the world in such a short span of time, beautiful people everywhere. I would love to mention how we planned the trip and all its intricacies but then this will be one heck of a long post to read. I would call it one smooth vacation but there has to be a twist in the tale somewhere right. The only hiccup was the flight while coming back from Brazil in Belem, the flight goes over the Atlantic Ocean and during the 6 hour flight, we had almost 4 hours of turbulence. That was like the biggest adventurous ride in my life! I have never prayed so hard in my life! I will definitely count it as an experience, never over the ocean ever! Ha ha! Other than that they were beautiful and memorable 10 days we spent in Brazil.
24 Jun 2014 Leave a comment
They might give it a thought
a bore, a pity, a snob, a coy, a dunce, a blob
none of these, I am not. Of rainbows and fairies and candies, of unicorns and glitter, I love everything bright, happy, sunny, cute, mad and funny
doubt and anger give me a jitter. I can be warmest to the coziest of heart
shrewdest to the cold,
I can be crazy, generous, kind, hyper, wild and sublime
will my adventures someday be told. I can sit at a place for hours
not move a fly from my face
I can also pretend, play, fly, sing, dance and cry
random butterflies and skies to chase. My hands are full sometimes, sometimes barren
so much to do and so little time
Pray, think, receive, love, smile, believe
parallel to this earthly world is a separate, ubiquitous world of mine.
03 Jun 2014 Leave a comment
in Random Rants
Had to share this
Originally posted on Rant Against the Random:
When he noticed the naked little girl at the beach didn’t look quite like he did and asked why, they answered his questions in simple phrases painted in black and white, pink and blue, and tradition. And he learned that boys and girls were different.
When one of the neighbor kids painted his nails, they got angry. That wasn’t something boys did. And he learned that there were different rules for boys and girls, and that breaking those made people upset.
When he was handed down a pink bike from his cousin, they replaced it with a blue one, because they didn’t want him to be mocked for having a “girly” bike. And he learned that being girly was something to be mocked.
When he cried, they told him to be a man. And he learned that crying, and being not a man, was something less.
When he was being picked…
View original 1,136 more words
02 May 2014 Leave a comment
There was an incident recently that made me doubt myself, to an extent that I cried and cried and got lost into a conversation that kept building up and there was no one around, the conversation was with myself! I have talked about loneliness and my positive side is to overcome it, but when loneliness makes you talk to yourself, you need to stop and wake yourself up. That is not right, its just not right. Letting people affect you, make you doubt yourself, letting them control your emotions is just not right. It is me who will decide if I did something wrong, if its not as bad as killing anyone, telling lies to hurt intentionally, stealing or cheating, it can be fixed. My bad habit is a small thing gets blown up in my mind, becomes a big issue and has its consequences. Do I stop living for that!? No, of course not, yes I cry, but I know that the pain can be healed, the hurt can be cured, there is always a second chance, if forgiving or forgetting is the greater thing to do, I need to do it. I am not perfect and I should not even aim to be, I will make mistakes. I need to learn to trust myself and not doubt, I need to be thankful for what I have, look forward to what I can do to make things better, to help and uplift others while I try to walk on the path of righteousness. Is there a judgement of right and wrong? No, not from my end, I am no one to judge others. I can judge myself because I know myself better than the ones who try to judge me. So I need to forgive myself if I think I did something wrong and move on. If I don’t treat myself as I want others to treat me, I am doing things wrong, I need to stop, take a step back and then move forward. When I start treating myself right, I can treat others well, and expect them to treat me the same way. Unless they make peace with themselves, they won’t be able to release good into this world, does that mean, I have to stop doing good? No, all the major holy books will also say similar things. I just have to be patient and empathetic to myself and others. I need to learn to forgive myself and stop hating myself. I don’t have to try to be perfect, I just have to know and realize there are others just like me struggling and fighting their own battles.
03 Apr 2014 Leave a comment
Ever felt like the loneliest person in a crowd? My nature is so that I can be the one to stand out in a crowd but I can also get easily drowned in a swarm of people. You can call it a talent, ability or a mood swing. I have heard tales of tides,water, moon affecting our moods, but for me I think I am definitely extreme. I have an exceptionally optimistic day on a full moon(that’s what my name means) day and my energy completely drains me out on a new moon day. Scientific or otherwise, the reason I am saying this is, sometimes when you are at a quieter place in life it just makes sense, to think, get time to reflect on what we have achieved or what new quest we are ready to take on, to prepare ourselves for an adventure that is headed our way. The other way of looking at it is totally pessimistic, that I am not wanted, I am not doing anything worthwhile, or I am just a big blob on this earth. Not to say I have never said such things, I admit I have time and again. Who am I kidding, I have even shoved myself into a dark corner in the closet. But the positive thing is I can also motivate myself, to get up, do something about something that is not right, does not fit and it gets me all fidgety. I want to just say that no matter, how hard life seems, struggles never seem to end, but that is how we are all going to get through, no matter how much you try to shake it off, try to wiggle yourself out of the situation, it is going to come back, to test you. Have patience, stay calm, paint, listen to your favorite music, get up and dance a little, strut your stuff, you will eventually get there one day or the other, just try and never give up. Do you ever give up on Candy Crush or Call of Duty? No! That’s right, there is always a ‘play’ or ‘retry’ button in life too!
Feeling lonely is natural and just a phase, the more important thing is not to lose it to a level where insecurity starts assaulting, that’s when we need to give ourselves a wake-up call, start spinning a new dream and have faith that only you can achieve it. It’s only a matter of time and when you try hard enough to try and grab hold of every opportunity you get to realize the dream, go for it. This feeling reminds me of a lost or found department in school, if you have lost something somewhere, if you look hard enough you will find it. Sometimes, we find something we were not even looking for. That state of happiness always brings positive energy and that battery can charge me up and last for days on end. Good luck in finding what you might have lost.
21 Mar 2014 Leave a comment
I don’t want to go in details about my struggle with finding the right God, knowing who is, what he does or what I give to him or get from him, but let me tell you there is one thing I will never struggle for, praying.
I am not going to give advice, sermon, preach about God here, but from my daily struggle, what helps me get through, what brings me closer to the day I wake up and the night I sleep in, its prayer. Just a little Thank you for the day and thank you for the night can go a long way. People would think I am crazy to talk alone, but what people don’t know is I might be praying. Just because it did look a little odd, I decided to talk in private. Prayer to me is talking to that someone who is listening intently even when you have the least hope that no one is listening. In general I don’t fail to say Thank you to someone who serves me at a restaurant, or never question authority. Then isn’t there someone so higher than me who thinks I am worthy enough to wake up for yet another morning on this earth who I should be thanking everyday? I remember I used to pray only when exams were close, or I’d have lost yet another key to the house and would be s**t scared of my father for an explanation or excuse, I would definitely pray then or at a magic show or circus where they are choosing volunteers that I should or shouldn’t be picked, or every other time I saw my crush and prayed he noticed me. So selfish of me! May be you don’t feel you have a purpose in life, but the higher power definitely has some job for you on this earth,otherwise why would you be here reading this, you’d probably be playing golf in the greenest of fields(heaven), or frying bacon in the air(hell,must be really hot down there). That power could be anything to you fairies, angels, Jesus, Mother Nature, Buddha, Allah, Krishna, to each his own. No wonder as kids, when we used to come home all dirty, my parents would ask me to wash my hands and feet and go stand before God and pray. That was just a habit they wanted us to develop but now I do realize how important prayer is. It gives me hope and strength to face this unpredictable world. Fighting the war for which God is the best could be right in your opinion, but isn’t thanking him/her more important at the moment you close or open your eyes when you don’t even know if they will open to see another day to fight over these issues? Whoa! Sorry for being so direct, but yeah a little practice will take me closer to my quest of knowing who is sitting high up there, watching, laughing with me when I embarrass myself and feel sad for me when my heart is broken. If while growing up I had fear and respect for my father, what excuse will I give to him who got me going on this earth for not praying!? Whoopsie daisies!