Lost or found

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Ever felt like the loneliest person in a crowd? My nature is so that I can be the one to stand out in a crowd but I can also get easily drowned in a swarm of people. You can call it a talent, ability or  a mood swing. I have heard tales of tides,water, moon affecting our moods, but for me I think I am definitely extreme. I have an exceptionally optimistic day on a full moon(that’s what my name means) day and my energy completely drains me out on a new moon day. Scientific or otherwise, the reason I am saying this is, sometimes when you are at a quieter place in life it just makes sense, to think, get time to reflect on what we have achieved or what new quest we are ready to take on, to prepare ourselves for an adventure that is headed our way. The other way of looking at it is totally pessimistic, that I am not wanted, I am not doing anything worthwhile, or I am just a big blob on this earth. Not to say I have never said such things, I admit I have time and again. Who am I kidding, I have even shoved myself into a dark corner in the closet. But the positive thing is I can also motivate myself, to get up, do something about something that is not right, does not fit and it gets me all fidgety. I want to just say that no matter, how hard life seems, struggles never seem to end, but that is how we are all going to get through, no matter how much you try to shake it off, try to wiggle yourself out of the situation, it is going to come back, to test you. Have patience, stay calm, paint, listen to your favorite music, get up and dance a little, strut your stuff, you will eventually get there one day or the other, just try and never give up. Do you ever give up on Candy Crush or Call of Duty? No! That’s right, there is always a ‘play’ or ‘retry’ button in life too!
Feeling lonely is natural and just a phase, the more important thing is not to lose it to a level where insecurity starts assaulting, that’s when we need to give ourselves a wake-up call, start spinning a new dream and have faith that only you can achieve it. It’s only a matter of time and when you try hard enough to try and grab hold of every opportunity you get to realize the dream, go for it. This feeling reminds me of a lost or found department in school, if you have lost something somewhere, if you look hard enough you will find it. Sometimes, we find something we were not even looking for. That state of happiness always brings positive energy and that battery can charge me up and last for days on end. Good luck in finding what you might have lost.

Pray without ceasing!

ImageI don’t want to go in details about my struggle with finding the right God, knowing who is, what he does or what I give to him or get from him, but let me tell you there is one thing I will never struggle for, praying.
I am not going to give advice, sermon, preach about God here, but from my daily struggle, what helps me get through, what brings me closer to the day I wake up and the night I sleep in, its prayer. Just a little Thank you for the day and thank you for the night can go a long way. People would think I am crazy to talk alone, but what people don’t know is I might be praying. Just because it did look a little odd, I decided to talk in private. Prayer to me is talking to that someone who is listening intently even when you have the least hope that no one is listening. In general I don’t fail to say Thank you to someone who serves me at a restaurant, or never question authority. Then isn’t there someone so higher than me who thinks I am worthy enough to wake up for yet another morning on this earth who I should be thanking everyday? I remember I used to pray only when exams were close, or I’d have lost yet another key to the house and would be s**t scared of my father for an explanation or excuse, I would definitely pray then or at a magic show or circus where they are choosing volunteers that I should or shouldn’t be picked, or every other time I saw my crush and prayed he noticed me. So selfish of me! May be you don’t feel you have a purpose in life, but the higher power definitely has some job for you on this earth,otherwise why would you be here reading this, you’d probably be playing golf in the greenest of fields(heaven), or frying bacon in the air(hell,must be really hot down there). That power could be anything to you fairies, angels, Jesus, Mother Nature, Buddha, Allah, Krishna, to each his own. No wonder as kids, when we used to come home all dirty, my parents would ask me to wash my hands and feet and go stand before God and pray. That was just a habit they wanted us to develop but now I do realize how important prayer is. It gives me hope and strength to face this unpredictable world. Fighting the war for which God is the best could be right in your opinion, but isn’t thanking him/her more important at the moment you close or open your eyes when you don’t even know if they will open to see another day to fight over these issues? Whoa! Sorry for being so direct, but yeah a little practice will take me closer to my quest of knowing who is sitting high up there, watching, laughing with me when I embarrass myself and feel sad for me when my heart is broken. If while growing up I had fear and respect for my father, what excuse will I give to him who got me going on this earth for not praying!? Whoopsie daisies!

New year resolutions follow up

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Am I on a baking spree or what!? I thought I had said I might share some achievements…well here are some of the rewards of my own hardwork….I did end up joining a cake decorating class, well not quite there yet, but I am on track as far as my resolutions for this year are concerned! I hope no-one will judge the work….I am just learning. I get to eat them so I make sure I do things right as far as taste is concerned,I will get better with time on the presentation part. Take a bow! I am proud of myself..just taking a step at a time…hmm I wonder what’s next? The anticipation gets me tingling…he he…what about your new year resolutions? Any luck yet?

Ohana!

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Do you know the feeling, when suddenly you feel like you are at the brink of rebirth, that God’s amazing grace leads you to a breakthrough, when you are going to jump off the cliff and you actually begin to fly….this is one of those days when I was feeling all dejected and dismal when life threw a second chance at me to look back on a relationship long ignored when at a point I was crying out tears of rejection and feeling worthless in a different relationship and then there it was that feeling….like a fog lifting, clear skies and even a rainbow just to make me happy and I start dreaming of wonderful days ahead, scoring a big 100 on 100,  hitting the highest notes…all at one time…that feeling…of being usurped from deep down in the ocean where you are counting your last breath and you rise up and gasp and gulp down enough oxygen to fill your lungs with air and life in your heart… your chest if full of air, your mind is free and your heart is open…Ohana! Mending bonds with family members, what a relief and all you see is hope and all you have is faith. Just as the new year begins, I am reassured time and again that things will be fine if I just make that small effort. It is not going to hurt me, it is actually going to strengthen me. Baby step at a time, just like Will Smith said, a brick at a time! I will get there, whether it is a goal or some relationship or some wildly spun dream. Everytime I succeed I can’t wait to feel all of this all over again.

Well, Well, Well 2014!

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2014, a warm welcome to the start of the year I must say! My rehabilitation stage is ‘recovering well’. Do not jump the guns! I am recovering from the trauma and drama on Facebook. My new year resolutions are to be worry free, stay healthy, to learn new things in the kitchen and lots of arts and crafts, small patio garden. I might also share some achievements on the blog. I am sincerely hoping I can keep at least one of these resolutions and not break each and every one of them like all the past years, this also can be one of the resolutions. Less of Southpark, avoiding HSN and QVC as much as I can and more of reading, less of television is the most difficult to attain so concentrating my efforts on investing more time in libraries and books. Let me go back to life when it was much simpler without gadgets, technology although I am not going to stay away completely, I am human in the end! Can’t forget that fact…although how I wish I was a butterfly or an angel for real *daydreaming*. But umm, yeah, snapping back to reality, I will definitely try and take more creative classes and do more Yoga! Ooh ooh, how I would love to share a big post on Yoga! *Giggling* I will try and remember all birthdays and anniversaries and phone numbers without Facebook. Wish me luck!*clears throat*

Well, wishing everyone who is reading and those who have no clue about this blog a Happy New Year and hope to avoid tension, negativity, doubt, fear or wars instead see more of freedom, love, peace, rainbows and unicorns, smiles and laughter in the coming years!

Rambling Mind Ep. 3

http://poohalicious.wordpress.com/I am just not into serious stuff! Life is already surrounded with serious issues. Writing about serious issues makes me look grave, concentrate hard at the screen or scribble with a heavy hand almost digging the pen onto the paper!

I like to joke around, laugh, enjoy the moment. But some serious issues keep popping their head up like a meerkat in a desert….its not a good example….but I know you get it….It keeps bugging me until I talk about it. It’s like a song stuck in your head that you want to sing out loud, but you are conscious of your voice!

Okay, let me just blurt it out. Rape is not okay. Not for anyone! Period! Hearing about it makes me go berserk! Respect the boundaries. There are so many thoughts just gushing in and I want to just them puke them all out and just give a sigh of relief. But are the rapists going to read this? No! Even if they do, will they be affected by the post and curb from it!? No! So, who should I write this for? For myself? Then my diary is a much private thing where I can go on ranting for pages! But no, as a woman, I must write this for someone who is a brother, husband, father, son, father-in-law who will try to comfort and assure a woman in their lives that they will always protect them. Why just these men, complete strangers come and rape women why can’t complete strangers protect them? What is discussed is how the rape happened, why the rape happened, who was involved and how the rape is affecting everyone around. Why is no one discussing what can be done to avoid rapes completely? What can a woman do to protect herself? Even if she can defend herself from a man but what can she do when there are many? I cannot even imagine the pain and trauma that woman can go through!

God, we depend on you for everything, everything happens for a reason and that we keep praying to God that it is he who has decided our fate, really? How does God watch all this and let this happen to an innocent  woman? Why at such times there is no angel, savior who makes sure that she escapes all the man-made sickening urge that is just ruled by a private part where the brain and heart are not involved for the consequences, guilt, shame or hurt? At the end of it all, its just the woman and questions, weird, insensitive questions that will haunt her for the rest of her life. Is that life worth living?

Technology is achieving new heights every second if I may exaggerate however, why can’t technology find an answer to protect women from being an easy target? Would men sit quietly if this happened regularly to their species?

Awkward!!

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A list of Awkward moments in my life and a few my friends shared with me, trust me I won’t give out names!  Feel free to share yours in the comments below!

  1. When you are watching a movie with parents and suddenly a ‘steamy scene’ starts! Awkward!
  2. When no one finds your joke funny. Awkward!
  3. When no one laughs but you are clapping and snorting at a silly joke. Awkward!
  4. When you laugh in a serious conversation because you remembered a joke told to you day before yesterday! Awkward!
  5. When you are drinking water and spit it out on a friend because you couldn’t control laughing! Awkward!
  6. When being photographed at a wedding while you are just trying to put in a morsel of food! Awkward!
  7. When you try giving a high-five and get no response! Awkward!
  8. When a friend is hurling abuses at someone and parents hear it all! Awkward!
  9. When your phone rings in a quiet cinema hall, church or hospital! Awkward!
  10. When you just have to sit and watch while your friend is being yelled at by his parents! Awkward!
  11. When your mom suddenly comes in while you were watching a ‘nasty movie’! Awkward! Shameful! Frightened!
  12. When you are making fun of someone and they are standing right behind you! Ouch! Awkward!
  13. While you are making fun of someone and you become the butt of ridicule by the end of the conversation! Awkward!
  14. When you want to be angry at someone but they end up making you laugh! Awkward!
  15. When you are writing your exam and you realize you studied for the wrong subject and you feel like laughing and crying at the same time! Awkward! Darn! You are screwed!

Final Goodbyes

I don’t know if condolences ever make up for the loss, but thoughts and prayers hopefully might be reaching out to the loved ones who are no longer a part of our regular lives. Suddenly something is missing like an arm is broken off and that feeling is equally draining even if it is a loss of a pet, family, relative or a friend.

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I would not want to name these friends for personal reasons but they all hold a special place in my heart.

A friend who was like an elder brother. He was always protective and would always be there for me and my sister whenever we needed him or not. The biggest worry for him was not doing as well in academics for his first year in college. We always laughed it off. He was the one who stood up for my sister when she was attacked by a group of boys with hockey sticks and bats. Yes, believe it or not, my younger sister was attacked by a group of boys! How shameful is that..although they got what they deserved a nice beating from the police. Karma…

Our respect for him grew manifold. And then there was that day, when he committed suicide. We never knew why.

A friend who was more than a best friend to me and my sister. He was also a protector, a clown, a shadow that always followed us around, that friend who was just a call away be it day or night he would be there, he would make us laugh with his subtle comments, he would be ready to hurt the ones who would make us cry. He was the one problem solver and always comforted us and laughed with us and seemed to had all answers to our teenage problems!

It wasn’t meant to be I guess because out of the blue we lost our beloved friend in a road accident. For us he will never be gone, he is still here.

A friend who introduced me to the love of my life, the Backstreet Boys! He was the first Christian friend and he was the first one to invite us for Christmas to his house where we saw the biggest Christmas tree for the first time. He treated my sister like his younger sister too. He was a very very close friend. We lost touch for a few years when I started working full-time but I invited him to my wedding and he turned up with his girlfriend. I was so happy for him and promised to keep in touch.

Things looked pretty normal and hopeful, when I came to know about his demise through Facebook, people posted messages and I was left broken-hearted yet again not knowing the reason why.

A friend who encouraged me a lot during tough times at work to take up studies and break free from the workplace that was hampering my confidence.  We were on the same terms when it came to work, talking about childhood memories, how our families were similar yet different. We’d discuss how our choices in our life partners were similar and discussed sensitive issues like marriages outside our religions. We had such a similar start to our love life and we were destined to be friends forever when I was shocked with the news of him passing away suddenly with a massive heart attack….. early 30s, a new born son, and I am again disheartened.

The saddest thing about this is I never got to say a final goodbye…..but I am sure they are reborn as angels to protect someone else’s life.

Objection, your Honor!

While talking to my friends recently, I just realized something trivial in a relationship. It is considered normal in Indian culture however men talk to women in a manner of giving a command generally. We Indians consider it as being friendly to each other. It is ideal for spouses to be friends so that the couples can make their relationship work. But now that I think about it….its always….”Do that” when the Indian husband is ordering his wife to do something. And the wife is always requesting, “Will you do it”. But  most of the times its an option that husbands can escape, refuse, deny or rarely say “yes” to the request.  http://poohalicious.wordpress.com

Has it been always like this? I think so, since India has always been a male dominated society. Even in this day and age Indian husbands will always be the commander in the house where the wife has to agree. Compared to the older generation, women that used to request most of the times, are now demanding, nagging, and whining to get the work done by hook or crook!   But when I compare the situation to a Western world, it will be an equal treatment among the sexes, “Honey, will you please do that for me?” This goes for both the man and the woman! If either one refuses it will be “I am sorry dear, but…” Or “Yes, dear” and so is the response, “Thank you, dear!”  How many times has the Indian husband thanked the wife for cooking good food, washing, ironing their clothes? Even if it is a working woman, it is expected of her to do it. I have never heard an Indian husband say, “Thank you, the dinner was wonderful”. Well, the husband might argue this, when he brings the groceries…but my point is courtesy.

We Indians don’t incorporate, “Please, Thank you, Sorry” where we really need to and do it only for the sake of saying it! So, is it courtesy, the manners, the relationship etiquette or a cultural difference?   Whatever we may call it and both genders may object to this post, but say, we do make those small little changes even if it is just for fun, would it make a difference? Who wouldn’t want to feel more appreciated!? I am going to try it!

Can I stop growing up now?

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Right now I am going through the same emotions when I was 19 years old and it’s a difficult stage to be in because you’re just completing 19 moving on to 20 and things start to look completely different because you’re moving out of your teens. You won’t be treated as a child anymore. 18 is classified as an adult age but 19 is the ‘growing into an adult’ year. You can continue doing fun things, naughty things and get away with it. You are attracted to the opposite gender at this age, instead of fighting and arguing you are always conscious about your looks and dressing. You are going through the worst acne phase or the completely opposite best hair and clear face phase. You have more friends to have more coffee and even more gossips. You are constantly rebelling and making your own rules. Your thumbs are the  strongest at this age because you text so much! You tend to slam every door, the refrigerator, the door to your room, the door to cars, taxis, buses, bathrooms. You are so on the edge of always crying or getting upset and angry. You hate your parents at times, of-course you regret saying you hated your parents in your 20s. But the year of being 19 is completely different from any other age of the teenage years or growing up in the 20s. What in the world….I can even compare the two decades!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……

Moving out of my teens was so difficult I almost cried as I sulked going into the twenties. I cried because I felt all the fun was over,I  was supposed to become a responsible person,pick up a job finish my studies,get married,settle down basically move on in life and being a Cancerian I tend to hold onto a lot of things including my age. 20′s was smooth sailing, and I have almost achieved everything I had to by the social and cultural demands. The reason I didn’t want to move on and grow up was because I felt like I’m getting too old too fast and now its a similar feeling.Its a feeling of something new is on it’s way, the anticipation of  good or bad, losing, being scared of not accomplishing anything anymore in life. I’m soon stepping into a completely new generation…the 30′s. http://poohalicious.wordpress.com/How would it be? Would it be overwhelming? I know I am childish at times would people laugh at me, mock me for being childish at this age? I’ve already found two gray hair would I find more, do I have to use anti aging creams now? There are creams to make you look 10 years younger, but any creams or lotions or anything to make me feel 10 years younger? Or any magical spells like..would this one work…Ho, hum, high and low, can I magically stop to grow? In the 20s moved on from pop to Rock, now would it be the blues that take me through the day? Do I really have to age and act wise and give free advice for the age appropriate experiences?

Terrible….well another year and the wine gets old….Happy Birthday to me!

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