24 Jun 2014 Leave a comment
They might give it a thought
a bore, a pity, a snob, a coy, a dunce, a blob
none of these, I am not. Of rainbows and fairies and candies, of unicorns and glitter, I love everything bright, happy, sunny, cute, mad and funny
doubt and anger give me a jitter. I can be warmest to the coziest of heart
shrewdest to the cold,
I can be crazy, generous, kind, hyper, wild and sublime
will my adventures someday be told. I can sit at a place for hours
not move a fly from my face
I can also pretend, play, fly, sing, dance and cry
random butterflies and skies to chase. My hands are full sometimes, sometimes barren
so much to do and so little time
Pray, think, receive, love, smile, believe
parallel to this earthly world is a separate, ubiquitous world of mine.
03 Jun 2014 Leave a comment
in Random Rants
Had to share this
Originally posted on Rant Against the Random:
When he noticed the naked little girl at the beach didn’t look quite like he did and asked why, they answered his questions in simple phrases painted in black and white, pink and blue, and tradition. And he learned that boys and girls were different.
When one of the neighbor kids painted his nails, they got angry. That wasn’t something boys did. And he learned that there were different rules for boys and girls, and that breaking those made people upset.
When he was handed down a pink bike from his cousin, they replaced it with a blue one, because they didn’t want him to be mocked for having a “girly” bike. And he learned that being girly was something to be mocked.
When he cried, they told him to be a man. And he learned that crying, and being not a man, was something less.
When he was being picked…
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02 May 2014 Leave a comment
There was an incident recently that made me doubt myself, to an extent that I cried and cried and got lost into a conversation that kept building up and there was no one around, the conversation was with myself! I have talked about loneliness and my positive side is to overcome it, but when loneliness makes you talk to yourself, you need to stop and wake yourself up. That is not right, its just not right. Letting people affect you, make you doubt yourself, letting them control your emotions is just not right. It is me who will decide if I did something wrong, if its not as bad as killing anyone, telling lies to hurt intentionally, stealing or cheating, it can be fixed. My bad habit is a small thing gets blown up in my mind, becomes a big issue and has its consequences. Do I stop living for that!? No, of course not, yes I cry, but I know that the pain can be healed, the hurt can be cured, there is always a second chance, if forgiving or forgetting is the greater thing to do, I need to do it. I am not perfect and I should not even aim to be, I will make mistakes. I need to learn to trust myself and not doubt, I need to be thankful for what I have, look forward to what I can do to make things better, to help and uplift others while I try to walk on the path of righteousness. Is there a judgement of right and wrong? No, not from my end, I am no one to judge others. I can judge myself because I know myself better than the ones who try to judge me. So I need to forgive myself if I think I did something wrong and move on. If I don’t treat myself as I want others to treat me, I am doing things wrong, I need to stop, take a step back and then move forward. When I start treating myself right, I can treat others well, and expect them to treat me the same way. Unless they make peace with themselves, they won’t be able to release good into this world, does that mean, I have to stop doing good? No, all the major holy books will also say similar things. I just have to be patient and empathetic to myself and others. I need to learn to forgive myself and stop hating myself. I don’t have to try to be perfect, I just have to know and realize there are others just like me struggling and fighting their own battles.
03 Apr 2014 Leave a comment
Ever felt like the loneliest person in a crowd? My nature is so that I can be the one to stand out in a crowd but I can also get easily drowned in a swarm of people. You can call it a talent, ability or a mood swing. I have heard tales of tides,water, moon affecting our moods, but for me I think I am definitely extreme. I have an exceptionally optimistic day on a full moon(that’s what my name means) day and my energy completely drains me out on a new moon day. Scientific or otherwise, the reason I am saying this is, sometimes when you are at a quieter place in life it just makes sense, to think, get time to reflect on what we have achieved or what new quest we are ready to take on, to prepare ourselves for an adventure that is headed our way. The other way of looking at it is totally pessimistic, that I am not wanted, I am not doing anything worthwhile, or I am just a big blob on this earth. Not to say I have never said such things, I admit I have time and again. Who am I kidding, I have even shoved myself into a dark corner in the closet. But the positive thing is I can also motivate myself, to get up, do something about something that is not right, does not fit and it gets me all fidgety. I want to just say that no matter, how hard life seems, struggles never seem to end, but that is how we are all going to get through, no matter how much you try to shake it off, try to wiggle yourself out of the situation, it is going to come back, to test you. Have patience, stay calm, paint, listen to your favorite music, get up and dance a little, strut your stuff, you will eventually get there one day or the other, just try and never give up. Do you ever give up on Candy Crush or Call of Duty? No! That’s right, there is always a ‘play’ or ‘retry’ button in life too!
Feeling lonely is natural and just a phase, the more important thing is not to lose it to a level where insecurity starts assaulting, that’s when we need to give ourselves a wake-up call, start spinning a new dream and have faith that only you can achieve it. It’s only a matter of time and when you try hard enough to try and grab hold of every opportunity you get to realize the dream, go for it. This feeling reminds me of a lost or found department in school, if you have lost something somewhere, if you look hard enough you will find it. Sometimes, we find something we were not even looking for. That state of happiness always brings positive energy and that battery can charge me up and last for days on end. Good luck in finding what you might have lost.
21 Mar 2014 Leave a comment
I don’t want to go in details about my struggle with finding the right God, knowing who is, what he does or what I give to him or get from him, but let me tell you there is one thing I will never struggle for, praying.
I am not going to give advice, sermon, preach about God here, but from my daily struggle, what helps me get through, what brings me closer to the day I wake up and the night I sleep in, its prayer. Just a little Thank you for the day and thank you for the night can go a long way. People would think I am crazy to talk alone, but what people don’t know is I might be praying. Just because it did look a little odd, I decided to talk in private. Prayer to me is talking to that someone who is listening intently even when you have the least hope that no one is listening. In general I don’t fail to say Thank you to someone who serves me at a restaurant, or never question authority. Then isn’t there someone so higher than me who thinks I am worthy enough to wake up for yet another morning on this earth who I should be thanking everyday? I remember I used to pray only when exams were close, or I’d have lost yet another key to the house and would be s**t scared of my father for an explanation or excuse, I would definitely pray then or at a magic show or circus where they are choosing volunteers that I should or shouldn’t be picked, or every other time I saw my crush and prayed he noticed me. So selfish of me! May be you don’t feel you have a purpose in life, but the higher power definitely has some job for you on this earth,otherwise why would you be here reading this, you’d probably be playing golf in the greenest of fields(heaven), or frying bacon in the air(hell,must be really hot down there). That power could be anything to you fairies, angels, Jesus, Mother Nature, Buddha, Allah, Krishna, to each his own. No wonder as kids, when we used to come home all dirty, my parents would ask me to wash my hands and feet and go stand before God and pray. That was just a habit they wanted us to develop but now I do realize how important prayer is. It gives me hope and strength to face this unpredictable world. Fighting the war for which God is the best could be right in your opinion, but isn’t thanking him/her more important at the moment you close or open your eyes when you don’t even know if they will open to see another day to fight over these issues? Whoa! Sorry for being so direct, but yeah a little practice will take me closer to my quest of knowing who is sitting high up there, watching, laughing with me when I embarrass myself and feel sad for me when my heart is broken. If while growing up I had fear and respect for my father, what excuse will I give to him who got me going on this earth for not praying!? Whoopsie daisies!
12 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
Do you know the feeling, when suddenly you feel like you are at the brink of rebirth, that God’s amazing grace leads you to a breakthrough, when you are going to jump off the cliff and you actually begin to fly….this is one of those days when I was feeling all dejected and dismal when life threw a second chance at me to look back on a relationship long ignored when at a point I was crying out tears of rejection and feeling worthless in a different relationship and then there it was that feeling….like a fog lifting, clear skies and even a rainbow just to make me happy and I start dreaming of wonderful days ahead, scoring a big 100 on 100, hitting the highest notes…all at one time…that feeling…of being usurped from deep down in the ocean where you are counting your last breath and you rise up and gasp and gulp down enough oxygen to fill your lungs with air and life in your heart… your chest if full of air, your mind is free and your heart is open…Ohana! Mending bonds with family members, what a relief and all you see is hope and all you have is faith. Just as the new year begins, I am reassured time and again that things will be fine if I just make that small effort. It is not going to hurt me, it is actually going to strengthen me. Baby step at a time, just like Will Smith said, a brick at a time! I will get there, whether it is a goal or some relationship or some wildly spun dream. Everytime I succeed I can’t wait to feel all of this all over again.
27 Jan 2014 Leave a comment
2014, a warm welcome to the start of the year I must say! My rehabilitation stage is ‘recovering well’. Do not jump the guns! I am recovering from the trauma and drama on Facebook. My new year resolutions are to be worry free, stay healthy, to learn new things in the kitchen and lots of arts and crafts, small patio garden. I might also share some achievements on the blog. I am sincerely hoping I can keep at least one of these resolutions and not break each and every one of them like all the past years, this also can be one of the resolutions. Less of Southpark, avoiding HSN and QVC as much as I can and more of reading, less of television is the most difficult to attain so concentrating my efforts on investing more time in libraries and books. Let me go back to life when it was much simpler without gadgets, technology although I am not going to stay away completely, I am human in the end! Can’t forget that fact…although how I wish I was a butterfly or an angel for real *daydreaming*. But umm, yeah, snapping back to reality, I will definitely try and take more creative classes and do more Yoga! Ooh ooh, how I would love to share a big post on Yoga! *Giggling* I will try and remember all birthdays and anniversaries and phone numbers without Facebook. Wish me luck!*clears throat*
Well, wishing everyone who is reading and those who have no clue about this blog a Happy New Year and hope to avoid tension, negativity, doubt, fear or wars instead see more of freedom, love, peace, rainbows and unicorns, smiles and laughter in the coming years!
10 Dec 2013 Leave a comment
I am just not into serious stuff! Life is already surrounded with serious issues. Writing about serious issues makes me look grave, concentrate hard at the screen or scribble with a heavy hand almost digging the pen onto the paper!
I like to joke around, laugh, enjoy the moment. But some serious issues keep popping their head up like a meerkat in a desert….its not a good example….but I know you get it….It keeps bugging me until I talk about it. It’s like a song stuck in your head that you want to sing out loud, but you are conscious of your voice!
Okay, let me just blurt it out. Rape is not okay. Not for anyone! Period! I have been reading about so many incidents and government, cops, politicians do nothing about it. Hearing about it makes me go berserk! Respect the boundaries. It does create a spark of awareness and dies down as quickly. There are so many thoughts just gushing in and I want to just them puke them all out and just give a sigh of relief. But are the rapists going to read this? No! Even if they do, will they be affected by the post and curb from it!? No! So, who should I write this for? For myself? Then my diary is a much private thing where I can go on ranting for pages! But no, as a woman, I must write this for someone who is a brother, husband, father, son, father-in-law who will try to comfort and assure a woman in their lives that they will always protect them. Why just these men, complete strangers come and rape women why can’t complete strangers protect them? What is discussed is how the rape happened, why the rape happened, who was involved and how the rape is affecting everyone around. Why is no one discussing what can be done to avoid rapes completely? What can a woman do to protect herself? Even if she can defend herself from a man but what can she do when there are many? I cannot even imagine the pain and trauma that woman can go through!
God, we depend on you for everything, everything happens for a reason and that we keep praying to God that it is he who has decided our fate, really? How does God watch all this and let this happen to an innocent woman? Why at such times there is no angel, savior who makes sure that she escapes all the man-made sickening urge that is just ruled by a private part where the brain and heart are not involved for the consequences, guilt, shame or hurt? At the end of it all, its just the woman and questions, weird, insensitive questions that will haunt her for the rest of her life. Is that life worth living?
Technology is achieving new heights every second if I may exaggerate however, why can’t technology find an answer to protect women from being an easy target? Why are these psychopaths objectifying a woman? Is it the woman’s fault? Doesn’t the society feel responsible towards educating one and all about respecting a woman? Just like all men are not rapists, why can’t men look at woman as a gender and not a toy to play with? Would men sit quietly if this happened regularly to their species?
21 Nov 2013 Leave a comment
A list of Awkward moments in my life and a few my friends shared with me, trust me I won’t give out names! Feel free to share yours in the comments below!
- When you are watching a movie with parents and suddenly a ‘steamy scene’ starts! Awkward!
- When no one finds your joke funny. Awkward!
- When no one laughs but you are clapping and snorting at a silly joke. Awkward!
- When you laugh in a serious conversation because you remembered a joke told to you day before yesterday! Awkward!
- When you are drinking water and spit it out on a friend because you couldn’t control laughing! Awkward!
- When being photographed at a wedding while you are just trying to put in a morsel of food! Awkward!
- When you try giving a high-five and get no response! Awkward!
- When a friend is hurling abuses at someone and parents hear it all! Awkward!
- When your phone rings in a quiet cinema hall, church or hospital! Awkward!
- When you just have to sit and watch while your friend is being yelled at by his parents! Awkward!
- When your mom suddenly comes in while you were watching a ‘nasty movie’! Awkward! Shameful! Frightened!
- When you are making fun of someone and they are standing right behind you! Ouch! Awkward!
- While you are making fun of someone and you become the butt of ridicule by the end of the conversation! Awkward!
- When you want to be angry at someone but they end up making you laugh! Awkward!
- When you are writing your exam and you realize you studied for the wrong subject and you feel like laughing and crying at the same time! Awkward! Darn! You are screwed!