A letter to remember

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Dear Me in Future,

I write to you today considering what you have been going through lately. This is not a special day, I just chose it because I am in the moment, its now or never.
Honestly, there is much for you to learn in this world, but the thing you need the most right now is patience. Time may not heal all the wounds, but sure will hide them. All the times that you have been hurt will fade into memory and be assured better times lie ahead. Love has always been there, be it your dad, mom, sister and now spouse, it will continue to grow bigger and bigger and your insatiable thirst for love should too! The more you will ask the more you will receive. I see you settled well in life, who needs astrology when you have faith. Have faith in God and yourself. The sensitive soul that you are, you will not hurt anyone ever intentionally and unintentionally if you do make sure you ask for forgiveness, never let your ego console you that you did the better thing to ask for forgiveness because the greater thing is to forgive so be respectful of the outcomes. If you are not forgiven take it as as an experience and move on, don’t keep dwelling on the hows and whys. Let go of your inhibitions and fear when you meet new people. They will only help you if your hands are stretched to welcome them into your life. Also remember not everyone will always help or support you, some battles have to be fought alone. Be strong. Remember now, dad’s blessings are there to carry you through it all even if he is not there in person, he will always be there two steps behind! You have known his strength and a part of him is you so carry on that strength mentally, emotionally and physically. Never ask for pity, never look for it in someone’s eyes, and even if you get some that was unwanted, thank for it but don’t hold on to it, let it go immediately. Never offer it to anyone only offer support and only if you really mean it.
Build your own dreams, work towards them. Don’t doubt yourself. God is always watching, try and do good in this world, he will always reward you with beautiful surprises. Be grateful for your health. Try and eat healthy, squeeze in a little time for exercise. Stop being idle. Keep doing something, if you cannot find time to pursue anything, keep writing. Don’t give up like you did. If you don’t get a second chance, create one! Fall, get up, learn, that’s how you learned to ride a bicycle, remember, your knees were bruised and you are proud of the scars. Age is just a number, know that you will have scars, gray hair, wrinkles one day, experience is what you will gain. Do not preach when you cannot follow it yourself. I see your future is only amazing with wonderful travel adventures, glorious moments to revel in the success of your family members who will achieve great things in life, good camaraderie and long lasting friendships, beautiful kids and their promising lives ahead, a life spent with no regrets.

Lots of love and compassionate hugs,
From your present self.

Final Goodbyes

I don’t know if condolences ever make up for the loss, but thoughts and prayers hopefully might be reaching out to the loved ones who are no longer a part of our regular lives. Suddenly something is missing like an arm is broken off and that feeling is equally draining even if it is a loss of a pet, family, relative or a friend.

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I would not want to name these friends for personal reasons but they all hold a special place in my heart.

A friend who was like an elder brother. He was always protective and would always be there for me and my sister whenever we needed him or not. The biggest worry for him was not doing as well in academics for his first year in college. We always laughed it off. He was the one who stood up for my sister when she was attacked by a group of boys with hockey sticks and bats. Yes, believe it or not, my younger sister was attacked by a group of boys! How shameful is that..although they got what they deserved a nice beating from the police. Karma…

Our respect for him grew manifold. And then there was that day, when he committed suicide. We never knew why.

A friend who was more than a best friend to me and my sister. He was also a protector, a clown, a shadow that always followed us around, that friend who was just a call away be it day or night he would be there, he would make us laugh with his subtle comments, he would be ready to hurt the ones who would make us cry. He was the one problem solver and always comforted us and laughed with us and seemed to had all answers to our teenage problems!

It wasn’t meant to be I guess because out of the blue we lost our beloved friend in a road accident. For us he will never be gone, he is still here.

A friend who introduced me to the love of my life, the Backstreet Boys! He was the first Christian friend and he was the first one to invite us for Christmas to his house where we saw the biggest Christmas tree for the first time. He treated my sister like his younger sister too. He was a very very close friend. We lost touch for a few years when I started working full-time but I invited him to my wedding and he turned up with his girlfriend. I was so happy for him and promised to keep in touch.

Things looked pretty normal and hopeful, when I came to know about his demise through Facebook, people posted messages and I was left broken-hearted yet again not knowing the reason why.

A friend who encouraged me a lot during tough times at work to take up studies and break free from the workplace that was hampering my confidence.  We were on the same terms when it came to work, talking about childhood memories, how our families were similar yet different. We’d discuss how our choices in our life partners were similar and discussed sensitive issues like marriages outside our religions. We had such a similar start to our love life and we were destined to be friends forever when I was shocked with the news of him passing away suddenly with a massive heart attack….. early 30s, a new born son, and I am again disheartened.

The saddest thing about this is I never got to say a final goodbye…..but I am sure they are reborn as angels to protect someone else’s life.

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