Signs you might be over 30…

I cried the day I turned 30 years old. On my birthday I literally shed tears of sadness that my "youth" was over and "mid life" started. I couldn't fathom why God had to do this to me. Yes you may be reminded of Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Exactly that. I couldn't believe I am not in my twenties anymore, suddenly I felt like I cannot make any more mistakes in life, I have to be older and wiser, but jokes apart I felt these signs after I turned 30. In all honesty I do feel like a strong, fierce, independent woman from time to time but I also feel what some women may relate to the list below:

1) I started noticing I injured myself easily and recovery took a wee bit longer than it did in my twenties.
2) Meditation and Yoga attracted me more than 4 hours or more of dancing late night at pubs.
3 I preferred lounge music than rock because I could listen to hours of rock music before and suddenly my preference had changed to soft easy listening and couldn't tolerate rock for more than an hour. Sad but true!
4) I wanted to stay in more than I wanted to go out.
5) Health check ups felt like a priority.
6) I was making more responsible choices in life like smoothies over coke!
7) Sleep was knocking me out pretty early, I was no more a night owl.
8) I felt all the aches and pains and joints that I had never noticed before.
9) Lots of been there done that experiences when people suggested to try something new.
10) The choices in my clothes changed, my shorts were too short I felt! Damn you ageing genes.
11) Started noticing almost every married couple has a kid and a panic attack was on its way like some alarm just went off!
12) The immediate thought was So what, I will take my own time! It will happen when it has to! Surround sound claps in my head for that thought alone!
13) Everything that was a rush was turned a dial down and 'smooth' was the new way to take.
14) I started feeling full easily, earlier it seemed like a never ending appetite.
15) Wine was a new friend and vodka got dumped.
16) It was time to live for myself, Selfish was the new mantra.
17) Flats were welcome, heels bid goodbye.
18) Comfort was now a luxury.
19) No more screaming with excitement, shouting at puppies or babies, snorting while laughing, more conscious social behavior.
20) Nailpaints and lipsticks were easily tossed for newer neutral nuder shades.
21) Social media updates take longgggggg breaks.
22) Did I mention gray hair everywhere?
23) Too much time spent on weighing scale than exercising.
24) So many judgemental remarks comparing generations.
25) Limited girl gang. No more mosh pits full of girls everywhere, the more the better, no lesser the quieter, more manageable, lesser hassles.
26) Money slips easily out of hands.
27) Knowledge is favored over entertainment.
28) Lots of feminism talks/chats/opinions.
29) Lots and lots of opinions.
30) The best part is no more asking permissions, just doing it, ah the sense of liberation!

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Judgement Day!

The beautiful thing about this post is that the title is not related to any religious sentiment, so I hope it won’t trigger any religious responses but when I start by saying this it makes me realize how easily I can come to the point that I know each and everyone reading this post will have a judgement. That is what this post is about.

I was walking towards the gym one day and passed by the community pool and heard a little voice almost too excited, exclaimed ‘Hi!’ I looked back to see who it was and if it was me that they wanted to say Hi to, it is not very common these days to get even a smile from strangers forget a Hi! It was a little kid about 3 or 4 ready to jump into the pool with his little shoulder floats and just shorts accompanied by his mom or guardian who didn’t manage to curve those laugh lines even a little bit. It was more like an invitation from him to say Hi wanna come swim? I just smiled back. I always do. Also, I had read somewhere to always smile at kids it boosts their confidence rather than turning away or looking away that sends a message of shutting down. Another day it was a little girl just jumping around splashing water everywhere, she was older about 6 or 7 and even bolder who asked me in a sweet voice, Hi, why are you not swimming? I replied, I am not wearing the right clothes and she replied so innocently so what, the water is so nice, you should come. I considered it for a second and then I glanced across at the pool ‘rules’ board. I must admit I am not a daring person to break rules. It does take guts and sometimes stupidity to break rules. Sometimes I lack the guts sometimes the stupidity. But the way she kept convincing me I was thinking wow if only her mother heard her talking to a stranger and she did, the glare her mom gave me to stop talking to her daughter, I just scurried off saying may be I will see her Friday afternoon if she comes back. As soon as I stepped away the little girl got an earful about not talking to strangers. I felt bad for the kid who has no idea or judgments on what a stranger can do if he/she is friendly or a pervert. No judgement at all. Whereas both mothers had already judged me just by glancing at me that I was no good talking or responding to their kids. I am sure by the age of 9 or 10 kids start immitating adults if they see adults not interacting socially they refrain as well and then it triggers the aspect of judgement. Kids start judging peers, start having trust issues and get bullied or bully others, if only adults can show them it can be a better place if people are more friendly and peaceful towards each other.

Believe me I judge a lot, each and every day, everything and everyone. But that innocence struck a weird chord in my heart, where is that innocence, that trust, most of us had it, but where did it go? I remember vividly my sister just 3 or 4 would wander away even with the nanny around house. The fruit vendor, vegetable vendor, the laundry man would bring her back holding her hand and she was the prettiest of kids with bluish grey eyes, fair skin and red lips wearing mostly her sleeveless one piece cotton dress. Were there any trust issues? No, not really. How did it change over the years!? Who is to blame? I keep questioning, doubting everything and everyone. Is it just that thinking that attracts crime or misfortune? Judgement day will come when it will come but isn’t it time to judge our own thoughts and correct them first before we pass judgements on others? Judging people on their color, race, age, decisions, appearance, past. Then again who are we to judge others in the first place? For that reason alone can we rebuild the innocence of children when it comes to trust and make this a safer place for the future generations to grow up?

Where should I start…

Believe me, I am completely clueless as to why I cannot be consistent, be it writing, studying, or finding something I really love and honestly I love writing but since dad passed away I fall short of words. It is like learning to read and write again, life just seemed to stop even when it did not stop in reality. My imagination has been limited. Although my recent visit to India has put me back on track somehow, no wonder I am writing this now! Where should I start now? Have people in my life changed? Not really. Have times changed? Yes, drastically. In this world of technology, people care more on Whatsapp, Twitter and Facebook,than in reality. More of pings, pokes, emoticons, expressing in limited characters when life should be more of talking, seeing reactions with your own eyes, but somehow everyone is comfortable with what is going on…be it politics, religion, terrorism, violence, chores, jobs, everything is so peaceful in a disturbing way. Selfies are more common and selfishness is the need of the day!

I feel lost sometimes in all of this, feel that somehow I don’t belong to this age, that I should take birth again in the days where air was pollution free, vehicles were not so common, public transport was used more, mother nature was adored and glorified, religion was more bearable because not everyone objected, only a few were opinionated and we called them arrogant and ignored them. We were great kids to our parents, not demanding at all compared to the kids today. Our parents were also patient and not agitated and never handed over electronic devices for us to let them have their moment. They would include us in their moments. Cameras were only to capture special moments not daily life. Music and movies were only limited to entertain and not for skin show.We never regarded young girls as flesh, even when they were bare bodied as toddlers, it was like Adam and Eve until they ate the forbidden fruit, now everyone wants them to be covered up because they might fall prey to sinful organs. There were not as many chemicals, pesticides in the food that we ate, there was less of advertisement and more of trying stuff out. Makeup was only limited to celebrities now it hard to distinguish between an average person and a celebrity. Life was much simpler when people were harmoniously living with nature. To adjust to this demanding life, make sense and to find myself will take time, patience and consistency.

A letter to remember

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Dear Me in Future,

I write to you today considering what you have been going through lately. This is not a special day, I just chose it because I am in the moment, its now or never.
Honestly, there is much for you to learn in this world, but the thing you need the most right now is patience. Time may not heal all the wounds, but sure will hide them. All the times that you have been hurt will fade into memory and be assured better times lie ahead. Love has always been there, be it your dad, mom, sister and now spouse, it will continue to grow bigger and bigger and your insatiable thirst for love should too! The more you will ask the more you will receive. I see you settled well in life, who needs astrology when you have faith. Have faith in God and yourself. The sensitive soul that you are, you will not hurt anyone ever intentionally and unintentionally if you do make sure you ask for forgiveness, never let your ego console you that you did the better thing to ask for forgiveness because the greater thing is to forgive so be respectful of the outcomes. If you are not forgiven take it as as an experience and move on, don’t keep dwelling on the hows and whys. Let go of your inhibitions and fear when you meet new people. They will only help you if your hands are stretched to welcome them into your life. Also remember not everyone will always help or support you, some battles have to be fought alone. Be strong. Remember now, dad’s blessings are there to carry you through it all even if he is not there in person, he will always be there two steps behind! You have known his strength and a part of him is you so carry on that strength mentally, emotionally and physically. Never ask for pity, never look for it in someone’s eyes, and even if you get some that was unwanted, thank for it but don’t hold on to it, let it go immediately. Never offer it to anyone only offer support and only if you really mean it.
Build your own dreams, work towards them. Don’t doubt yourself. God is always watching, try and do good in this world, he will always reward you with beautiful surprises. Be grateful for your health. Try and eat healthy, squeeze in a little time for exercise. Stop being idle. Keep doing something, if you cannot find time to pursue anything, keep writing. Don’t give up like you did. If you don’t get a second chance, create one! Fall, get up, learn, that’s how you learned to ride a bicycle, remember, your knees were bruised and you are proud of the scars. Age is just a number, know that you will have scars, gray hair, wrinkles one day, experience is what you will gain. Do not preach when you cannot follow it yourself. I see your future is only amazing with wonderful travel adventures, glorious moments to revel in the success of your family members who will achieve great things in life, good camaraderie and long lasting friendships, beautiful kids and their promising lives ahead, a life spent with no regrets.

Lots of love and compassionate hugs,
From your present self.

Ohana!

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Do you know the feeling, when suddenly you feel like you are at the brink of rebirth, that God’s amazing grace leads you to a breakthrough, when you are going to jump off the cliff and you actually begin to fly….this is one of those days when I was feeling all dejected and dismal when life threw a second chance at me to look back on a relationship long ignored when at a point I was crying out tears of rejection and feeling worthless in a different relationship and then there it was that feeling….like a fog lifting, clear skies and even a rainbow just to make me happy and I start dreaming of wonderful days ahead, scoring a big 100 on 100,  hitting the highest notes…all at one time…that feeling…of being usurped from deep down in the ocean where you are counting your last breath and you rise up and gasp and gulp down enough oxygen to fill your lungs with air and life in your heart… your chest if full of air, your mind is free and your heart is open…Ohana! Mending bonds with family members, what a relief and all you see is hope and all you have is faith. Just as the new year begins, I am reassured time and again that things will be fine if I just make that small effort. It is not going to hurt me, it is actually going to strengthen me. Baby step at a time, just like Will Smith said, a brick at a time! I will get there, whether it is a goal or some relationship or some wildly spun dream. Everytime I succeed I can’t wait to feel all of this all over again.

Prayers Unlimited!

Dear God, there are many people who are always striving to achieve things that they have always wanted to,bless them,but also remember me who is happy with what you have given,help me enjoy each and every moment of this precious life,may I be slow and wise when I talk and only be able to spread good in the world.

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