Signs you might be over 30…

I cried the day I turned 30 years old. On my birthday I literally shed tears of sadness that my "youth" was over and "mid life" started. I couldn't fathom why God had to do this to me. Yes you may be reminded of Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Exactly that. I couldn't believe I am not in my twenties anymore, suddenly I felt like I cannot make any more mistakes in life, I have to be older and wiser, but jokes apart I felt these signs after I turned 30. In all honesty I do feel like a strong, fierce, independent woman from time to time but I also feel what some women may relate to the list below:

1) I started noticing I injured myself easily and recovery took a wee bit longer than it did in my twenties.
2) Meditation and Yoga attracted me more than 4 hours or more of dancing late night at pubs.
3 I preferred lounge music than rock because I could listen to hours of rock music before and suddenly my preference had changed to soft easy listening and couldn't tolerate rock for more than an hour. Sad but true!
4) I wanted to stay in more than I wanted to go out.
5) Health check ups felt like a priority.
6) I was making more responsible choices in life like smoothies over coke!
7) Sleep was knocking me out pretty early, I was no more a night owl.
8) I felt all the aches and pains and joints that I had never noticed before.
9) Lots of been there done that experiences when people suggested to try something new.
10) The choices in my clothes changed, my shorts were too short I felt! Damn you ageing genes.
11) Started noticing almost every married couple has a kid and a panic attack was on its way like some alarm just went off!
12) The immediate thought was So what, I will take my own time! It will happen when it has to! Surround sound claps in my head for that thought alone!
13) Everything that was a rush was turned a dial down and 'smooth' was the new way to take.
14) I started feeling full easily, earlier it seemed like a never ending appetite.
15) Wine was a new friend and vodka got dumped.
16) It was time to live for myself, Selfish was the new mantra.
17) Flats were welcome, heels bid goodbye.
18) Comfort was now a luxury.
19) No more screaming with excitement, shouting at puppies or babies, snorting while laughing, more conscious social behavior.
20) Nailpaints and lipsticks were easily tossed for newer neutral nuder shades.
21) Social media updates take longgggggg breaks.
22) Did I mention gray hair everywhere?
23) Too much time spent on weighing scale than exercising.
24) So many judgemental remarks comparing generations.
25) Limited girl gang. No more mosh pits full of girls everywhere, the more the better, no lesser the quieter, more manageable, lesser hassles.
26) Money slips easily out of hands.
27) Knowledge is favored over entertainment.
28) Lots of feminism talks/chats/opinions.
29) Lots and lots of opinions.
30) The best part is no more asking permissions, just doing it, ah the sense of liberation!

A new journey in 2017

IMG_20141216_114126I was going through my previous blog posts, it helps to see how the years went by, I was reminded of so many beautiful and some painful things that have happened in these past years that I have spent in the United States of America. There is so much more to write. My dad passed away in 2015 and it was a huge depressing period for me. Honestly until this year I was still in a state of shock and depression. Nothing seemed to help. But this year, it has all changed. Lot of things, positive people that I have met and I have changed, a lot. The world is so much better, to me. The Trump administration is a big wall but I have built holes in it to breathe. ‘Breathe’ is such an important word. Ayurveda suggests it and I have applied it and felt a difference. I would love to share my entire journey into positive frame of mind, yes it is all in the mind. Believe it or not, but I will slowly keep adding things to my blog. Honestly I am just sending this out into the universe, whosoever needs it will land upon my blog and may be it will help them but it will also be a gentle reminder for me when I read my previous blog posts in future that I have changed only for the better. Knowing what to let go and what to hold on to is very crucial. I look forward to sharing this wonderful journey that has changed my life. I feel so grateful for another day and another opportunity. To this word ‘another’ Cheers!

Ohana!

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Do you know the feeling, when suddenly you feel like you are at the brink of rebirth, that God’s amazing grace leads you to a breakthrough, when you are going to jump off the cliff and you actually begin to fly….this is one of those days when I was feeling all dejected and dismal when life threw a second chance at me to look back on a relationship long ignored when at a point I was crying out tears of rejection and feeling worthless in a different relationship and then there it was that feeling….like a fog lifting, clear skies and even a rainbow just to make me happy and I start dreaming of wonderful days ahead, scoring a big 100 on 100,  hitting the highest notes…all at one time…that feeling…of being usurped from deep down in the ocean where you are counting your last breath and you rise up and gasp and gulp down enough oxygen to fill your lungs with air and life in your heart… your chest if full of air, your mind is free and your heart is open…Ohana! Mending bonds with family members, what a relief and all you see is hope and all you have is faith. Just as the new year begins, I am reassured time and again that things will be fine if I just make that small effort. It is not going to hurt me, it is actually going to strengthen me. Baby step at a time, just like Will Smith said, a brick at a time! I will get there, whether it is a goal or some relationship or some wildly spun dream. Everytime I succeed I can’t wait to feel all of this all over again.

Final Goodbyes

I don’t know if condolences ever make up for the loss, but thoughts and prayers hopefully might be reaching out to the loved ones who are no longer a part of our regular lives. Suddenly something is missing like an arm is broken off and that feeling is equally draining even if it is a loss of a pet, family, relative or a friend.

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I would not want to name these friends for personal reasons but they all hold a special place in my heart.

A friend who was like an elder brother. He was always protective and would always be there for me and my sister whenever we needed him or not. The biggest worry for him was not doing as well in academics for his first year in college. We always laughed it off. He was the one who stood up for my sister when she was attacked by a group of boys with hockey sticks and bats. Yes, believe it or not, my younger sister was attacked by a group of boys! How shameful is that..although they got what they deserved a nice beating from the police. Karma…

Our respect for him grew manifold. And then there was that day, when he committed suicide. We never knew why.

A friend who was more than a best friend to me and my sister. He was also a protector, a clown, a shadow that always followed us around, that friend who was just a call away be it day or night he would be there, he would make us laugh with his subtle comments, he would be ready to hurt the ones who would make us cry. He was the one problem solver and always comforted us and laughed with us and seemed to had all answers to our teenage problems!

It wasn’t meant to be I guess because out of the blue we lost our beloved friend in a road accident. For us he will never be gone, he is still here.

A friend who introduced me to the love of my life, the Backstreet Boys! He was the first Christian friend and he was the first one to invite us for Christmas to his house where we saw the biggest Christmas tree for the first time. He treated my sister like his younger sister too. He was a very very close friend. We lost touch for a few years when I started working full-time but I invited him to my wedding and he turned up with his girlfriend. I was so happy for him and promised to keep in touch.

Things looked pretty normal and hopeful, when I came to know about his demise through Facebook, people posted messages and I was left broken-hearted yet again not knowing the reason why.

A friend who encouraged me a lot during tough times at work to take up studies and break free from the workplace that was hampering my confidence.  We were on the same terms when it came to work, talking about childhood memories, how our families were similar yet different. We’d discuss how our choices in our life partners were similar and discussed sensitive issues like marriages outside our religions. We had such a similar start to our love life and we were destined to be friends forever when I was shocked with the news of him passing away suddenly with a massive heart attack….. early 30s, a new born son, and I am again disheartened.

The saddest thing about this is I never got to say a final goodbye…..but I am sure they are reborn as angels to protect someone else’s life.

Objection, your Honor!

While talking to my friends recently, I just realized something trivial in a relationship. It is considered normal in Indian culture however men talk to women in a manner of giving a command generally. We Indians consider it as being friendly to each other. It is ideal for spouses to be friends so that the couples can make their relationship work. But now that I think about it….its always….”Do that” when the Indian husband is ordering his wife to do something. And the wife is always requesting, “Will you do it”. But  most of the times its an option that husbands can escape, refuse, deny or rarely say “yes” to the request.  https://poohalicious.wordpress.com

Has it been always like this? I think so, since India has always been a male dominated society. Even in this day and age Indian husbands will always be the commander in the house where the wife has to agree. Compared to the older generation, women that used to request most of the times, are now demanding, nagging, and whining to get the work done by hook or crook!   But when I compare the situation to a Western world, it will be an equal treatment among the sexes, “Honey, will you please do that for me?” This goes for both the man and the woman! If either one refuses it will be “I am sorry dear, but…” Or “Yes, dear” and so is the response, “Thank you, dear!”  How many times has the Indian husband thanked the wife for cooking good food, washing, ironing their clothes? Even if it is a working woman, it is expected of her to do it. I have never heard an Indian husband say, “Thank you, the dinner was wonderful”. Well, the husband might argue this, when he brings the groceries…but my point is courtesy.

We Indians don’t incorporate, “Please, Thank you, Sorry” where we really need to and do it only for the sake of saying it! So, is it courtesy, the manners, the relationship etiquette or a cultural difference?   Whatever we may call it and both genders may object to this post, but say, we do make those small little changes even if it is just for fun, would it make a difference? Who wouldn’t want to feel more appreciated!? I am going to try it!

Transition from a Best Friend-Girl Friend-Wife! Part III

Part III continued from Part II

You are so sure by now that this is the person you want to lose all your teeth with and still struggle to talk! The environment at home just seems busy with parents meeting parents, choosing date, venue and time, shopping, planning the wedding, everything seems to happen too fast. Time flies by at a supersonic speed. The D-Day is here. You are excited and nervous at the same time with a plethora of mixed emotions in your mind, about the new life, finally bridging the gap, no longer dying to see each other scenarios!  A completely new chapter in your life is waiting to start! Wedding goes well. Muscles relax. You are now light on your feet. You are newly-weds, meeting relatives, visiting temples and all holy places, socializing and introducing your spouse to everyone, celebrating. You are glowing with pride and loving it all. This effect lasts for about 6 months.

So now you are a part of a daily soap instead of a weekend program that leaves you some mystery behind, instead things get predictable. By now, you are used to waking up next to an ugly morning face, a set routine day! There are automatically some do’s and dont’s. You don’t check each other’s phones, you do call each other once in a day at the least. Personal spaces are now marked territories. Now you are a little conscious of your PDA. You have distributed who does what, the garbage always goes to the men and doing the dishes to women! Now you no longer bore your friends instead it is encouraging to joke and gossip about family members and spouses. You know all the burps and farts that never existed in your boyfriend-girlfriend relationship! You praise the good habits in public and despise the bad ones in person, cribbing everyday. The husband is now complaining and so is the wife. The complaints differ from the girlfriend-boyfriend stage, now you are not comparing anyone else’s dress and asking them to learn how to dress like that, now you are complaining of choice, you are complaining of an overflowing wardrobe, of how you can’t keep the socks and hankies in their original place, how you throw away shoes and towels here and there, how the food is not as good as mother’s, how your in-laws treat you, how the other couple looked happier, how you have changed, how you don’t remember special occasions, how you don’t spend quality time with each other, only two of you, since you are with each other 24/7!

This could be a bit overwhelming to single people, but married people have their own fun too!

Now you are so independent, no one asks you any complicated questions, you are not answerable to anyone except each other, you have free will to go out, party with anyone, socialize  shop! There is no room of doubt, suspicion, or the fear of commitment.  You are always looking out for each other even if you don’t see each other the whole week due to work or other responsibilities. You share burdens, joy and sadness. Making a few sacrifices, compromises, adjustments to keep everyone happy. You are literally together in sickness and in health. Now wherever you go, whatever you do, you are buy one get one free! It is only, we and us! It is not ‘ a lot like love’, it is LOVE!

This ends the trilogy of the girlfriend to wife transition, I am enjoying each phase and looking forward to more of those to come. I pray that you stay satisfied and together in love and marriage forever and ever!

Transition from a Best Friend-Girl Friend-Wife! Part II

Continued from Part I …..

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Roses are red, Violets are blue,

I never knew love until I found you!

The ‘Boyfriend-Girlfriend’ stage is so complex yet beautiful. You want to make it public, but you can’t make it official just yet because you are not sure yet if he/she is ‘The One’. There are a few jealous creeps who want to ruin it all for you and your special one. You tend to forget it all when your boyfriend is like ‘Rocky’ or ‘Rambo’ to you who protects you from all the bad guys! Although he may not have the physique, but he has mental strength, which makes sense when you are in love. Everything that your boyfriend talks is some sort of wisdom to you. You start believing all his words and respect him for having general knowledge which is up-to-date and with the times. You go weak in the knees and have million butterflies trying to escape from your stomach tickling you from inside, and you believe it is true when he says ‘You are the most beautiful girl in the world’, ‘You have the most beautiful smile, the most beautiful eyes!’ ,’Your laughter is like a child’s so pure and innocent’. This is the ‘Golden era’. You are the center of attention, his football or cricket matches are not a priority, You are.poohalicious.wordpress.com

He will sacrifice a regular ‘boys’ night for just a glimpse of you. He will ignore his best friend, cut his calls short but will talk endlessly to you on the phone. He will talk of stars and moon and how his life is empty without you in it. You hold hands, cuddle, a little PDA here and there. You tell your siblings or your best friends about how ‘He is the One’ and bore them to death with your adjectives and how romantic he is.  You take time and want to say the three magical words but wait till he says it. But not too long, because you can’t hold them back any longer. You could just pee in the pants a little with that much excitement!!! And those three words are said, “I Love You”. You could just swoon the entire day, even at the most hated song of all times.  You have those airy feet like you may fly anytime. And the gifts increase now. They are more intense. You have lots of fights in this stage, but they bring you even closer. You will make some more friends(his), he will make lesser friends(yours). You will promise somethings and so will he.

You are not afraid to show them off any longer. Now even your relatives know you are officially “in a relationship”. Now there are no more “matrimony discussions” within the family members at family gatherings and social functions. He is now also your official driver.  If it is a job interview, a best friend’s wedding, a cousin’s birthday, a nephew’s christening, he is everywhere. On status updates, in your diary, in your phone, on your walls…oh no that was the poster of your favorite actor! Rewind…..in your…..heart you pervert!

The big day takes a longer time, but if you walk down the road, in a few months, you do stop at a point, reflect at the journey and decide if you want to take a halt here or go ahead to explore the unknown territories. The brakessssssssssssss……. Part III in the making….. to be continued…….

Love to be loved…

Disclaimer: Too mushy for the weak hearted! Stop reading now if you are allergic to love!

Sugar n Spice all things nice!

How do we know we are made for each other!?
It is just the smallest things he/she does for you with love….

Being a woman, if I expect something, my other half goes a small step further to fulfill those and when I think he is not expecting anything back, frankly he is….all the time….

When we were courting, I know he used to wait for my call as much as I did for him to ring the door bell! If I was to attend a family function, I wouldn’t care how I’d look, but on our dates I’d take hours to get dressed!
He’d not bother if he was driving over drainages, bridges, passing his favourite eating joint or met with his best friend who loves onions on the way, but would end up always smelling great!!
Thankfully, he is not fond of ice-creams and I am not even a distant fan of chocolate, so we never argue over it ever, but when it came to our favourite piece of chicken, he’d always make it a mission to sacrifice the last bite for me! He wouldn’t show it on his face, but he’d love to listen his name 100 times if I’d say it a 100 times!! I thought of him as a soldier or a bodyguard when walking in a crowd with him, he’d always have those hovering eyes to protect me and yet have the most fragile smile when I’d look at him and smile. He’d always drool at me in his mind when I’d talk to someone else and flutter eyelids, move my hands too many times or keep touching my hair purposely to grab his attention! He would notice all the little things I did for him, changing my earrings, matching the outfit I’d wear, even the craziest hairdo would be appreciated even if I was having a hideous hair day! Holding my sweaty hands was the most daring thing for him to do, but he never made a disgusted face, instead kept using his hankie more than he ever did for himself! He’d wipe my hands and smile…..
He wants to see me happy always, and wants to fight with everything that makes me cry. When he sees a happy couple, he wants to imagine us instead of them laughing away, looking deep in each other’s eyes. He wants to whisper those sweet nothings, wants to blabber about our future but would rather keep it to himself and keep saying ditto in his mind when I express the same thoughts! A single rose says it all, you don’t always need diamonds and pearls!

Cream on Coffee

Post marriage those small things may change because you are together now unlike weekends, you are with each other 24/7, you wake up next to the same person you dreamed about every night! But still he does those small little things like when he says You are beautiful, you just feel at the top of the world! When he cleans up the kitchen counter after I mess it up, when he calls me to check if I had lunch, when he wants me to wear his favourite dress, when he makes a pact of buying veggies, throwing the garbage and dividing other such household responsibilities, when he surprises me with a movie ticket, letting me sleep for those extra two minutes, you just know how lucky you are!A friend kept complaining how her husband has changed after marriage, but she did not notice, how she stopped looking at herself in the mirror! When I made her realize that you can’t keep crying over the partner changing after marriage, it’s marriage that changed you, she couldn’t stop crying! We just take our spouses for granted! But the Love never changes, its still there! May be playing a little hide and seek, but it’s your turn to find it!

Frost on cake!

Here’s wishing all the people in love and all those still looking for it, and to my dear husband a very Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S : I have always maintained and I think it is true that Valentines day is celebrated for Love, the feeling….not just for a couple….so would also like to wish a Happy Valentine’s day to all my loved ones!

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