Confessions of a blood relative

was going through old pics of cousins. I noticed how blood relations have changed over the years. I have always had a fondness and a special liking for those who gave me attention but I was careful not to grab too much of it.
I played roles I guess while growing up, sometimes I was the kinds of being surrounded by people and always being the glue to help them all stay together, sometimes I was the lone wolf who wanted to cry alone depressed over not getting enough love back as much as I poured out. If I was to be myself I was always a shy, quiet girl who liked a little bit of compliments, a little bit of fluttering of the eyelashes and the kind who wanted to  melt hearts with warmth by giving hugs or holding hands, pat on the back who liked being a secret-keeper, loyal and always gave a caring, elderly authoritative vibe.
To siblings I always wanted to be someone who they could look upto. I do have some of those behavioral attributes maintained. However, over time the elderly figure somehow was belittled to just another blood relative. I never wanted to be the one who was ‘that’ blood relative who didn’t care much, was formal most of the times and never ever bothered to share anything personal. But when I look back at all my blood relatives be it maternal or paternal, I feel disappointed. I wanted to be the one who made a difference, be the torchbearer. I wanted to be there in times of counsel(which I am the best at is what I think), in times of joy and sharing the wonders of everyday life. I hardly talk to any of them now, not because I don’t want to, just because of the distance, circumstances, egos between relatives, their disputes and children suffering from hereditary hate and many other contributing factors that somehow make me unsuccessful or still hesitant to point out the whys. I bet I am not the only one, it is a game of two, I do need a reaction to an action however, most of it I blame myself for being shut out.

Earlier, there were joint families which had its pros and cons. I used to think I love nuclear families, but as I have grown in maturity and understanding I know we can make it work if we try.
I loved the nuclear concept only because of convenience. The awkward laughs, the terrible moments of deafening silence, the embarrassing complaints of parents and the inevitable comparisons to other kids also often contributed to the growing distance. My life was a fairytale in dreams but in reality its like a daily soap, average and repetitive. I am sure there
are many others like me who have also found their tagline in ‘ignorance is bliss’ I still dream of a day when I will be able to set  things right and be called the ‘savior’ of relationships. Until then, keep existing.


Objection, your Honor!

While talking to my friends recently, I just realized something trivial in a relationship. It is considered normal in Indian culture however men talk to women in a manner of giving a command generally. We Indians consider it as being friendly to each other. It is ideal for spouses to be friends so that the couples can make their relationship work. But now that I think about it….its always….”Do that” when the Indian husband is ordering his wife to do something. And the wife is always requesting, “Will you do it”. But  most of the times its an option that husbands can escape, refuse, deny or rarely say “yes” to the request.

Has it been always like this? I think so, since India has always been a male dominated society. Even in this day and age Indian husbands will always be the commander in the house where the wife has to agree. Compared to the older generation, women that used to request most of the times, are now demanding, nagging, and whining to get the work done by hook or crook!   But when I compare the situation to a Western world, it will be an equal treatment among the sexes, “Honey, will you please do that for me?” This goes for both the man and the woman! If either one refuses it will be “I am sorry dear, but…” Or “Yes, dear” and so is the response, “Thank you, dear!”  How many times has the Indian husband thanked the wife for cooking good food, washing, ironing their clothes? Even if it is a working woman, it is expected of her to do it. I have never heard an Indian husband say, “Thank you, the dinner was wonderful”. Well, the husband might argue this, when he brings the groceries…but my point is courtesy.

We Indians don’t incorporate, “Please, Thank you, Sorry” where we really need to and do it only for the sake of saying it! So, is it courtesy, the manners, the relationship etiquette or a cultural difference?   Whatever we may call it and both genders may object to this post, but say, we do make those small little changes even if it is just for fun, would it make a difference? Who wouldn’t want to feel more appreciated!? I am going to try it!

Rambling Mind Ep. 2 Part 1

Childhood: Being nostalgic is flipping through your own photo book in your mind! There are so many memories, I wish there was something (now that the technology is so advanced) or someone who could just print them out, wouldn’t it be wonderful! From the most vague memories to day-dreams to the most vivid ones. Some things I would want to change and some let them stay that way.Rambling mind

I have listed down a few which makes me want to live life all over again :

1)      My sister looked very beautiful like a German baby with blue eyes and red lips when she was a baby, I don’t remember her as a baby, but I do remember the way she ate ice-cream, her small cute little face smeared with ice-cream, her sticky hands and her clothes eating more of the ice-cream than she did.

2)      I remember my gift on my 13th birthday, a small Alsatian female pup, we named her Elsa, after the movie “Born Free”. She was my favorite dog out of all the ones I have ever had!

3)      Dad’s favorite breakfast that he taught me as my first ever experiment in the kitchen, and after all these years, it’s my favorite too: Half fried egg and toasted bread slices.

4)      My mom’s long gorgeous hair! Thick, black, wavy and just plain beautiful.

5)      My first bicycle ride on my own.

6)      My first fall wearing roller skates.

7)      The wedding of the dolls, a Charlie Chaplin Doll, we married him off to a pretty looking Doll under a tree in front of our apartment. We invited our neighborhood friends for the party and made small bowl size ‘chapatis’ and ‘chutney’ and drank ‘Rasna’ equivalent to Sunkist. It was a hit.

8)      My Imaginary friend “Tammylan”, much inspired by Enid Blyton books and the movie “Drop Dead Fred”

9)      My first ever best friends divided into categories. “School bus best friend” , “Class Best friend”,  “Sharing Tiffin box best friend”, “Behaved nice today, Today’s best friend”, “Best birthday gift best friend”!!!

10)   When my favorite flowers were Gladiolas and Lotus.

11)    The little Christmas celebration we used to have even though I was not a Christian.

12)   Innocent New Year parties with just dancing and fried snacks on the terraces!

13)   My first dream of becoming a poet!

14)   My first crush!

15)   My first fight in school with a girl!

Desks in an Empty Classroom

To be continued…

Rambling Mind Ep. 1

ImageWouldn’t it be cool to work in a library? With so many books around, have sublime music playing in the background. Just drowned in the ocean of knowledge and every single droplet (read book) gives you that fresh spritz you need! Ah! That would be some life huh! Some quiet time to relax and read.  Unlike the chaotic life of running errands and cooking and cleaning and going to work stashed up with paperwork. Or escape the idiotic non-stop staring, eye-crushing, head-swirling computer work that starts in the day but doesn’t end till night!? I confess, I have to have FB every single day. If I don’t run through it, just makes me restless, it’s like a drug addiction ( I have not used any, but I am sure other FB addicts who are also drug addicts can relate to what I feel. I feel sad for them too if they have both the addictions).

Sometimes, I just want to run away from everything, believe I am single, without any family, any restrictions, just one day and just live the day like I want to, be able to go wherever I want, eat anything, wear whatever I want to, not talk at all, keep smiling endlessly, no mobile, no I-pad, no laptop, no television, just a few songs may be, no questions asked!

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