Where are we going?

Today, a colleague asked me, sorry I am generalizing an entire country but India is a rapist country what is wrong with the Indian men? I had my head hanging in shame, and I wished I could defend it and say not all Indian men are like that but honestly I cannot, not with the statistics. I used to before when I would say US is among the highest, based on the statistics but now I don’t want to defend, because I feel helpless and angry. It makes me wonder, where has India gone wrong!? Is it because all of us have so much of negativity about everyone and everything as Indians!? Or is it because of social media and overexposure to it? Or is it due to lack of laws of legalized prostitution, porn, or lack of sex education? Or all of this? Think about it, from the basics of civic sense to the most “modern” use of technology, do we just criticize each and everything that we have stopped looking at the good we have always had!?

I am not a teacher, I am not yet a parent and not a psychologist but I have imagination. Imagine a world where kids grow up knowing no violence, only love and respect. What can the repercussions be? Just imagine when they are growing up, they are scolded only for discipline but apologized to and explained the reason of doing so. In a world where they do not know what bullying is because no other kid knows what bullying is, they do not know what a slap is, they do not know what pushing shoving is because they are corrected by the parents and given attention when they need it the most, if you are going to say who has time for that, then look at where the problem is, you have excuses, you can make time, even in the trains, without pushing shoving they let others go with respect, can you imagine a world like this?  I know it is hard but not impossible if we start right now.

When I was growing up I remember I was admitted to a ‘Sanskar varga’ not because we were bad kids but it was like a traditional thing to do where they taught us to respect elders, wash our hands feet when we come home, light diya and thank God for today, touch our parents feet and ask blessings, respect food on our plate and all the morals. It changed soon after my father got a heart attack and mother had to step up and take charge of the household but as kids, we grew up like that respecting elders, neighbors, every man and woman, we did not distinguish between poor and rich and color and caste until the society made us think in a limited way. I remember my sister used to wander off as a kid in her little petticoat and the fruit vendor, the vegetable vendor, the laundryman used to bring her back with no sexual intent ever.It was only when we started to grow hormones, we started realizing a few changes in us, we started feeling the difference between touches and knew who to stay comfortable with and who to stay away from. We have had our own share of eve teasing and molestations in public places, mostly during Ganesh festivals and Jatra, but we have also handled them with whatever limited maturity we had. Our parents were open to communication and helped us to heal from those scars by always encouraging us to speak up, call for help or take action, always supporting us whenever we needed them to take care of such issues. We had male friends all the time and as long as our parents were informed they were always accepting. We always were touching and joking and hugging, sitting close to each other but as we grew up we were told, not by our parents but society even by the paanwalah to stop wearing shorts, sleeveless clothes, neighbors telling us to cross our legs when we sit even when we wore full pants, to not touch guys too often, to keep a distance. As a growing woman you have to be independent and I was always the over sensitive one. I could cry at the drop of a needle. I hardly understood the hints men gave be it in professional life or personal. Ignorance was bliss. Now I look at the vegetable vendors, fruit vendors and laundrymen with doubt, making sure I don’t open doors for marketing guys or strangers. If I had to share a cab to work I would be careful. All men were suddenly threatening. But growing up I never heard so many stories of assaults, it may have existed but not to the extent it is today. Or is it better today because people have been quiet about it for so long and with the boom in social media they can use the platform to bring those crimes out in the open, if that is true, what society are we?  Aren’t we the same civilization that pride on Khajuraho, the same people who have goddesses with clothes clinging to their bodies, then suddenly why is everything sexual? Even little babies? Why is everyone a hypocrite? The other day I was asked why are shorts not appropriate in your country which only expose legs while you can wear the most revealing body hugging cloth called saree which is basically a crop top that shows cleavage all the time and has the back and mid riff always open!? I was speechless. How do I explain!? What needs training? Ofcourse the mind and getting rid of the pervert mentality that grows within young men. If we are hammered with pleasing the other half especially a woman taking the center stage to always look good, stay fit, always be presentable, look fair, set impossible standards, to be dictated terms on what to wear, how to sit, how to eat, be pretentious and careful all the time of her social existence and bring other women down to pull herself up, we are bringing down an entire country to its feet! With training young minds to treat each other with dignity and equality we also need to look deep down within ourselves to be aware of our existence as humans with skin and bones who has a limited time on earth with some kind of purpose that we were born to accomplish and what can be the biggest purpose than to serve humanity, to be kind and respectful, to be generous and forgiving? I am learning and growing everyday to be a human first!

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Signs you might be over 30…

I cried the day I turned 30 years old. On my birthday I literally shed tears of sadness that my "youth" was over and "mid life" started. I couldn't fathom why God had to do this to me. Yes you may be reminded of Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Exactly that. I couldn't believe I am not in my twenties anymore, suddenly I felt like I cannot make any more mistakes in life, I have to be older and wiser, but jokes apart I felt these signs after I turned 30. In all honesty I do feel like a strong, fierce, independent woman from time to time but I also feel what some women may relate to the list below:

1) I started noticing I injured myself easily and recovery took a wee bit longer than it did in my twenties.
2) Meditation and Yoga attracted me more than 4 hours or more of dancing late night at pubs.
3 I preferred lounge music than rock because I could listen to hours of rock music before and suddenly my preference had changed to soft easy listening and couldn't tolerate rock for more than an hour. Sad but true!
4) I wanted to stay in more than I wanted to go out.
5) Health check ups felt like a priority.
6) I was making more responsible choices in life like smoothies over coke!
7) Sleep was knocking me out pretty early, I was no more a night owl.
8) I felt all the aches and pains and joints that I had never noticed before.
9) Lots of been there done that experiences when people suggested to try something new.
10) The choices in my clothes changed, my shorts were too short I felt! Damn you ageing genes.
11) Started noticing almost every married couple has a kid and a panic attack was on its way like some alarm just went off!
12) The immediate thought was So what, I will take my own time! It will happen when it has to! Surround sound claps in my head for that thought alone!
13) Everything that was a rush was turned a dial down and 'smooth' was the new way to take.
14) I started feeling full easily, earlier it seemed like a never ending appetite.
15) Wine was a new friend and vodka got dumped.
16) It was time to live for myself, Selfish was the new mantra.
17) Flats were welcome, heels bid goodbye.
18) Comfort was now a luxury.
19) No more screaming with excitement, shouting at puppies or babies, snorting while laughing, more conscious social behavior.
20) Nailpaints and lipsticks were easily tossed for newer neutral nuder shades.
21) Social media updates take longgggggg breaks.
22) Did I mention gray hair everywhere?
23) Too much time spent on weighing scale than exercising.
24) So many judgemental remarks comparing generations.
25) Limited girl gang. No more mosh pits full of girls everywhere, the more the better, no lesser the quieter, more manageable, lesser hassles.
26) Money slips easily out of hands.
27) Knowledge is favored over entertainment.
28) Lots of feminism talks/chats/opinions.
29) Lots and lots of opinions.
30) The best part is no more asking permissions, just doing it, ah the sense of liberation!

Thank you, Sorry, Welcome


As Indians, we are never taught to appreciate ourselves. It is always never good enough for anyone except our true friends. But even sometimes when they do something good or we do something good and we appreciate it and say good job, we do not know how to thank them, it feels awkward or they simply reply ‘it was my job’. I don’t understand why. Why should we feel awkward to say Thank you. And even more sad is saying you are welcome. In friendship no sorry no thank you is the worst rule, if we did something bad acknowledging it and trying to correct it is never bad. It is only good news. It means somebody cares enough that they will speak up. Saying Thank you means you are feeling grateful, when did feeling grateful become formal or unnecessary. Infact all religious teachings say that we should always be grateful. Also saying welcome means you acknowledge that whatever help, service, things were given are being appreciated and it is only something that can improve self confidence, reinforce trust,then why feel awkward or think it is a formality to do so? Somehow as kids we are always taught to say Thank you, Sorry, Welcome but as soon as we grow up, we feel it is an obligation to say these words, also we know a lot more than just thank you, sorry and welcome, we know jealousy, ego, hurt and so many other things that forbid us to say these things and mean them. Social media has added to the list of negative emotions, everybody is either criticizing something or gets offended by something. Appreciation is only in the form of likes and loves as if it some kind of a benchmark for social acceptance. Due to less and less interaction in person and more on social media, we have forgotten the basic etiquette, of using excuse me, sorry, welcome, thank you. If somehow you do that in public you are again judged as prissy or arrogant.  

I was watching ‘Ramayan’, the old television series back in the 90s that was a regular show to watch without missing even one episode. Yes a lot of the wisdom is no longer applicable in this day and age, but there is still so much relevant stuff but the thing I noticed was everytime someone was praised they refused to take it and said it was their ‘kartavya’, duty. We have been taught to perform our duties but not be appreciated for it. Doesn’t appreciation strike the right chord and help us do the same thing again only better? What about karma then? The more you give the more you will get in return right? So if you thank or appreciate someone for doing good, it will only come back? What about the law of attraction? It will come back manifold, right? Then what is the bad news in this? Just want to thank whosoever is reading this blog. You can always say, welcome! 

Promises meant to be broken?

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Often I look back on my relationships and keep realizing that most of the times I am at fault for ruining it all, not because I am a bad person but because I make a lot of assumptions.Honestly, in just one meeting,I feel I know you and I can trust you or will just ignore you, based on my assumptions! Now, that may not always be a wise thing, but then I may blame it on my instinct or your body language or just language. All this happens for a reason and the reason being expectations. I have learned this lesson so many times and yet I am not thorough with it! I struggle to keep up, I am slow to react, but I have noticed whenever my expectations are not met, I assume again that the person is not interested in me, my interests, so there goes a relationship. Thereby, either I end up breaking promises or the other person does it anyway. This other person is also me in some cases. I decide something and break my own promises, let alone others keeping them if I cannot keep them on my own! Fragile and unsustainable relationships because of my assumptions. It is a vicious cycle. I wish I do break it soon. Just thought of sharing one of my struggles in life.

Completely random word suggestions of my phone!

I wanted to write a blog post and I was in the middle of one when I noticed my phone was suggesting a few words and I thought let me see where this goes. It was so much fun just to click on words and some of the sentences made sense while others none at all! Go on read and have a laugh!

‘The new year to you and your business and leisure and the kids will have the right thing to remember that you have to do it for the first time in my mind is that you are looking for the first time in the world and the rest is just one more thing to be able to make sure that you have any further information about this topic. The dream of being able to do it for you to know about the future of this tag is called from Scotland and the kids are going well as other people who want the same thing as the most important part in a few years. I did not have the right place to be the best. I’m not a problem with their Government which I think the last few different form what you think you aren’t going to have the option of the times. He has a great deal of experience with this new version of the e-mail by a friend who was in my mind. This was the only way to the gym and the other side of things that you have any questions about this topic is a great deal with the new one. But my battery is dead and gone to bed at night and the most common type in your area of expertise in my life! I love it when it is not the same as above. Amazon.com uses a few weeks, but the fact is a very long time, no see. Well done and the new house with my friends have any other country music video by using your phone number.’

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